Speaker, Author & Psychologist

There was a good article recently in The New York Times titled, “When is It Sex Addiction?” The article featured 3 experts weighing in on what distinguishes sexual addiction from simple opportunistic behavior. Personally, I’m a little bored by politicians and celebrities hiding behind the language of disease processes to defend their actions. In the U.S., in order to qualify for the position of celebrity, one is almost required to have a period of embarrassingly bad behavior followed by a round of apologies for that behavior, followed by photo-ops of the new, improved person, until the next fall from grace. Among other reasons, falling from grace may be one of the only ways that the super-successful have to defend themselves against the amount of envy that they generate in others.

That said, sex addiction is a real disorder and those who suffer from it are in genuine need of both help and support. Sexual addiction is characterized by feeling out of control, engaging in self-destructive and self-sabotaging behavior, and using the behavior to cope with underlying feelings of anxiety and poor self-image. It may be harder to empathize with someone who looks like they have no reason to feel inadequate. However, many of the qualities that might drive someone to become famous or wealthy are the same that would cause them to act out; that is, a powerful desire to disprove ongoing feelings of shame and inadequacy.