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What if I don’t want the role my adult daughter has assigned me
September 4, 2018
12:29 am

Good morning Josephine:

Hell no! There is nothing wrong with you as a parent. Sometimes we can do too much for our adult children.  You are supplying money, trips, car insurance and other incidentals that your daughter has become to take for granted. I understand the dynamics of a bi-polar disorder and the negative ramifications of withdrawing from a love one with this serious mental affliction. However, you need time for you. Your body, mind, and health needs time to re-group, and concentrate on just your needs. Don't second guess your thoughts about the need for you to nurture you. You're a great Mama. Read up on this profound disorder. Read up on the manipulations that are often utilized by individuals with this diagnosis. Oftentimes they aren't even aware totally about the pressures they are bestowing on the folks that love them. From my limited social work experience, I have noticed that pharmaceutical management is avoided at times with bi-polar patients. I have a hunch that that is when your daughter may resort to drinking. You're a kind person, now be kind to yourself, so you can guide your daughter at a healthy pace for you.

August 31, 2018
4:33 am

Today, I had a counselling session with my 31 year old daughter, who is in rehab (again). She has bi-polar disorder and problems with alcohol. She is on a disability pension and only works very intermittently. I provide some financial support (eg $2000 for latest rehab), private medical insurance, car insurance and maintenance, some counselling costs etc., not to mention holidays together sometimes, most recently a 3 week road trip in Ireland and Scotland.

i feel upset because I am her main support yet she said today that our relationship needs fixing, that she can’t share her emotions and problems honestly with me, that her lack of boundaries in relationships she learnt from me (huh ?), that I am too critical and don’t respect her as an adult.

I have been trying to step back as I can’t handle her constant problems any more and feel that I need boundaries, especially around alcohol abuse.  I actually don’t want to hear a blow by blow account of how she is feeling all the time. Is there something wrong with me as a parent ??

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