Good afternoon Sandy:
Yay, and hurrah for you! You have taken the first step in letting your son grow up and be a man. I'm kinda confused though, why did you need to fly and pick him up? Is he handicapped? Do you trust him? Is he on drugs? Why did you need to pick him up? Think honestly on the part you play with enabling him, and the suspicion that you two may be co-dependent. Another thought to quandary is his ability to manipulate and use ( your sister), women. Sandy, I've done everything that you are doing and more. It's not enough space to list all the pain my only son subjected me too. Read some of the stories on this helpful forum, and you'll be able to compare, and reflect that we do too much for our adult children. Look, you are suppose to worry, that's what good Mamas do. But seriously, we can't help our kids, if we keep helping them. Have you noticed that he's not using men. Stay strong, and never negotiate respect with your children. It took many years for me to stop holding my son's selfish hand. Pray, and know that you have taken the first step in making him grow up, and become a man. Everyone on this needed forum is proud of you. Pray for his strength, and your new guidance.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am scared to death that my son will end up homeless. I want so badly to bring him to our home, but my husband is against it. I feel caught in the middle. I love both very much, but can't stand to see my son hurting. I am lost and scared.
I can relate to you situation. I am in a similar one. I also have an adult child that has had a difficult time growing up. Divorce of parents at young age, drug addiction, death of two close friends due to drug use. I have been supporting him for last ten years and sometimes he works, sometimes he does not which has led me down the road of financial ruin. I just told my son "No" for the first time yesterday when he called me for his daily money infusion. It did not go well, but I held my ground and, even though I am worried sick, I did not have a choice.
This is the first time I have had to tell my 33 year old son "NO". He has been struggling all his life and blames me for everything. He recently moved in with my sister in California as he had no where to go. He blames me for his living conditions at her house. I live out of state and have offered him many times to come and stay with me.
After a few months at my sisters house, we talked about him coming to Idaho and staying with my husband and me until he gets back on his feet. We set expectations of him staying here. He argued about some of the things. We agreed on a date to pick him up and bring him and his Mastiff dog here.
I was looking so forward to the possibility of having a relationship with my son again. It's been over 5 years plus since we had a relationship. The week-end before I was scheduled to fly to California to pick him up, he was texting with me. He started saying things that were inappropriate. Red flags told me that this may not work out and am I doing the right thing.
My heart aches, I had to tell him not to come at this time. First rule was broken: He was being disrespectful. I feel so bad as a mother. I feel I let him down once again. I know he is hurting and needs a family. I want to bring him to my home and try and save him. He is angry, sending me nasty messages and says he never wants to see me again. I have been down this path before with him. In my heart, I feel bringing him here would do him good. A new start.
I am sad and would love to hear from others who have been through this. I don't feel I made the right decision and this is what hurts the most.
Thank you for listening.
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