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I had a few hard words with the councilor as she clearly didn’t understand what my daughter needed even after my daughter told her her problem lay with her father.
February 2, 2010
10:26 pm
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Jane
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Hi Joshua,

I would like to reply to your blog – you are absolutely right!

I have teenage kids – 17yrs, 15yrs & 13yrs. My two oldest daughters are currently in high school and my oldest is finding it hard to concentrate at school. She had sought advise from the school councilor but to her disbelief was told she had to seek help from a shrink. I wasn’t too happy about that and had a few hard words with the councilor as she clearly didn’t understand what my daughter needed even after my daughter told her her problem lay with her father.

For years my husband has been “a slob” around the house. He works 8-10 hours a day and thats it. He will come home, shower and then sit in front of the TV for the rest of the evening until its time to go to bed only getting off the couch when nature calls or when dinner is ready. Even when dinner is ready, he expects either myself or one of the kids to bring his food to him so he can eat in the lounge while watching TV. The grass will grow long and the garbage will start to overload & smell in the bin. He expects my 13 year old son to take out the garbage (he does this when its full), and also to keep the yard clean. When the kids were in grade school, I found myself cleaning inside and out. Mowing the lawns and maintaining the garden was a weekly chore because he was quote “too tired” from a hard day sitting on his backside at the car yard. Every time I brought up the subject of his lazy attitude he would blame me and make out I was nothing but a nagging cow who was never happy with anything. “Why are you women like that!”, he would comment. We have had many fights over his lazy behaviour and he only makes an effort when I tell him to pack his bags and f#@k off out of our lives. Its always short lived though. I can time it when he’ll be back to his usual tricks. When he does do chores – its like that worst chore he has had to endure in his life! He makes out that its so difficult and its killing him – mowing the lawns. There have been many instances where over the years I have told my kids I have wanted to split with their father. My oldest daughter, because she is very close to me and I have confided in her over her fathers behaviour has begun to hate him. She did tell me that every time I tell her something about her dad, she doesn’t want to believe it, but because she sees it all the time, she began to resent him as she grew. When she is at school, she thinks about us and becomes angry at her father for the way he is. She knows that its always me picking up after everyone in the family at home. Her father only makes an effort when it comes to his extended family stuff. They praise him for a job well done and backstab me because I don’t meet their expectations of a good wife. He’ll get off his butt when something interests him – rugby & rugby league and will only support our son because of the sport. Other that, he won’t support the kids in anything else. Its always Mum at the parent/teachers meetings, always Mum dropping them off to school, going to their concerts, making their lunches, wiping their tears when they are sad, always Mum encouraging them to do well in school, giving them words of support when they’ve failed a test, screaming at them when they’re running late for school, making sure they have their school lunch, their school uniforms are ready on Sunday night for school on Monday. Mum knows everything! When they want/need something – they always ask me – not their Dad. Why, because I am always there for them. They can see I am exhausted and tired from a hard days work, but I will always turn up, even if I have to walk a mile. I will find the money when we don’t have any, I will argue my point to whoever to get my child what they need. My daughter knows all this, hence why she needs her Dad. He needs now to take on the responsibility for his children and their growing pains. He thinks he’s doing a good job – how about spend some quality time with them! Get to know them. He claims he talks to them and the kids listen – they don’t voice their opinions because they feel he’ll just get mad at them if they tell him like it is. They’ll just tell me after. I’m just waiting for my children to fly the nest, my time with my husband is almost over. I fell out of love with him a long time ago. My kids know that, and they respect me for sticking around for him. I know he will be lost without us as many times he has admitted that life will end for him if we walked out. I stay because of him, because I feel sorry for him and his pathetic need for love. He knows it was over a long time ago – I won’t say the “I love you” anymore because I will only be lying. I have told him that his daughter needs him, but he doesn’t understand what he has got to do with her problem. I asked him to try and do chores with her – clean the kitchen and talk while they’re cleaning. He was too tired. Oh well, me as a wife and a mother can only do so much. I will do my duty as a parent and only pray my parenting will benefit my children in a good way when they become mature adults. I pray that my son does not become his father and my daughters do not marry a man like their father. I heard girls look for a man who is like their own father. Unfortunately, I did just that. My Dad was just like my husband at home. The only difference is – my Dad was a well educated man!

I envy any woman who has a husband who meets them halfway all the time – at work and at home.

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