I can imagine how hurt you are by this. I'm not a licensed or trained counselor, but I am a mother of an adult son who has grown very distant and I too struggle with the pain of being left out of his life.
For what it's worth... whatever your pain in regards to this situation, my suggestion is to "stuff" your feelings, at least for the moment, and respond graciously by congratulating your son and future daughter-in-law, just as the step-mom has done. While your son absolutely could have, and should have been more thoughtful towards you, it happened the way it happened. Accept that for now so that you don't further alienate yourself from your son and future daughter-in-law. Give them your blessing.
Later on, you could calmly let your son know how it made you feel left out and unimportant when you had been informed in such an impersonal manner, unlike the father and step-mother had been. Focus less on blaming him, than on how it hurt you.
It may be difficult for you to with-hold your feelings for now and to express them later in a calm and undramatic fashion, but if you can do this, I believe it will pay off in the long run. The last thing that I'd think you'd want to do is create more distance and division which would start you off on the wrong foot with your future daughter-in-law who may then choose to be closer to the step-mom than to you.
Try to put your son and his wife to be's moment of happiness first, for the time being, or you may be shooting yourself in the foot and setting yourself up for alienation from them and more future unhappiness. I hope this helps. Best of luck... Heather
I'm a mom of a grown son, We have been close for many year's. He has had trouble with the law and drugs in the past. His dad and i were divorced 30 years ago, his stepmom and dad wanted nothing too do with him when he was in trouble, Glad too say he is past all of that now. He meet a nice girl who he ask to marry him, she said yes. I had no idea of this until i got a e mail from him. He ask his dad and step mom over for dinner and told them of his plans. I never knew any thing about this until, i got a e mail stating he ask Cathy to marry him. (She said yes) I,m very hurt by this. I feel he could have called me and told me. I,m so mad about this i don,t want too talk to him. His step mom went on the internet and said, We are so happy for you and Cathy thank you for a nice dinner and the card game we played, I think Cathy is so sweet i know we will be good friend's and have alot more time's like this. What?!!! I feel i should walk away from this and move on with my life.
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