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My Third Marriage Will Not Survive Because of This:
December 3, 2013
6:40 am

I've been feeling so guilty ever since my 26 year old daughter texted me at Thanksgiving that she is "done with me for good".  I know it is because of my two divorces and my remarriage 5 years ago.  (To the most wonderful man in the world who is sweet and kind to me and has made me so happy.)  She told me so in a scathing text that read: YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES.  YOU CHOOSE MEN OVER ME. 

I won't go into any of my past marital history because it doesn't matter.  No matter how bad I describe these marriages, she was the one who was hurt.  I'll never forget her sad, tearful face the day I said goodbye to her father.  I told her it was for the best even though it broke her heart.  I should have stayed and taken it all for her sake.  I never should have remarried.  Now, the same pain and grief she endured is coming back to finish me off.  Just deserts for being a selfish mom.  Now my daughter: my only child has divorced me.  I get to see what it feels like.  And it hurts.  Just like she will never heal from my mistakes and the hurt of a broken family, I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I did to her and live the rest of my life in pain missing her.  Now we are both in pain.  I have decided I can't live in the relationship I'm in now.  There is no fullfillment knowing how my daughter feels.  I have to divide my loyalty between husband and my daughter and it just feels wrong.  There is no way out except to end this in divorce too.  I have so much anger, bitterness and pain that even if I am alone and my daughter comes back to me because I am single again, I am too weak and broken to give her the love she deserves.  I tried contacting a therapist to talk to through my employee assistance program but none of them can see me; they're either booked up or their hours are only during my work hours: a sign that I am meant to suffer this pain alone.  I should have never become a parent, but I did.  G-U-I-L-T-Y.

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