The very first responsibility of a parent is to protect your child!!! No matter who is caring for your child; Parent, babysitter, daycare, teacher, neighbor, boyfriend, or spouse. Your children are already experiencing a dangerous situation! What have they learned? They are not protected by you. They are learning it is OK to hit and to bully. What else has to happen for you to realize the children are not safe even if they are with grandmother??? Please. please. Do not learn any more the hard way. It is a very hard lesson and one you never forget!
I found a child being held down by a neighbor child and a friend while the grandfather was molesting the child. The police were called. At that time they did not hold the grandfather in jail, he was home that night. The jail interviewed the child but the mother was not allowed in What did the child remember or tell the mother? "Elephants do not belong in the courtroom." If a child shows any resistance and does not want to go to another child's house, for example, get the clue: "I do not feel safe". One child I know was molested when an adult was invited to dinner in the child's home.
Please protect your children. I personally would not let the children go to the grandmother's house without one or both of the parents. I would stop the sleepovers, maybe change this to getting together for dinner and then taking children home. Plan something special you have to get up early to do with them. Go to the beach, the zoo, a play date, whatever you need to do. It may hurt feelings, BUT your child will be protected and safe.
You will find that children do not always tell you everything. And after they become adults they will tell you what really happened during their growing up years. If it was traumatic they will remember clear back to childhood.
I think you and your husband will have to decide if its time to find another babysitter or are you willing to allow your kids to be traumatized or physically injured like this. What would you do if this was a teenaged babysitter doing something with the kids that you felt was this aggressive? Learning to set boundaries with your MIL is probably the next step. I am not saying go no contact or estrange from her. I am saying that her standards of child discipline are not your standards, actually what you describe her doing is abusive. Whether or not her voice was condescending or furious or whatever, the issue is these are your kids and you get to decide how they are disciplined. And, remember, you can't change other people so all the talking in the world won't fix grandma or make her change if she doesn't want to. She has shown you the person she is. Maybe having the grandkids all the time is just too hard for her. Take back the parenting and stop sending the kids over for this amount of time. Maybe 3 hours at the most. The kids fight when they are at her house and she handles it poorly. Enough said!
My in laws are very helpful, always willing to watch the grandkids, shower them with love and gifts and live two doors down from us.
A few months ago, we were having problems with our 5-year-old hitting our 8-year-old when she felt threatened or upset. We do not condone that behavior and we’re trying to solve the situation. My mother in law took it upon herself to solve it by holding down the 5-year old and telling the 8-year old to kick her while she held her. My husband and I were shocked and offended that she would consider that a solution to the problem and my husband (not I) told her we did not feel that was an acceptable way of solving the problem. She agreed and even apologized to the children and said it wouldn’t happen again.
However, it did happen again. The second time, my husband (not I) was not as polite and told her, once again, that we did not condone that type of behavior and could not understand why she would do that again. She said she forgot and was caught up in the moment.
Last week, I had surgery, she was extremely helpful and even adjusted her schedule to watch the kids for me the entire week. This was the first time she’s ever watched them during the week. About three times a month, they have a sleepover on Friday night through Saturday and sometimes come back Saturday night or Sunday afternoon. They spend Saturdays with them doing fun activities like fishing or day trips to Palm Beach or the Florida Keys. I’m a SAHM and DH works afternoon shifts during the week.
They watched them the entire day today. Then sent them home. Later that day, I called her, which is when she told me, it happened again. I was shocked and enfuriated. I told her she was the adult and should know better, that she knows we don’t condone that behavior. She says she only said that because she knows my older daughter won’t hit her little sister. But I told her that behavior is still not acceptable. Then I couldn’t take it anymore and told her I had to go. She then responded in a condescending voice when she said goodbye, I could tell she was furious.
What should I do? Should I stop letting her watch kids As often as she does? I need help!
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