Judith, I'm really sorry that the only reply you got has been from a spammer/nutter I hope the post will be deleted. You have had a dreadful time with your mother. What an awful thing for another mother to say 🙁
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'Why couldn't you have died instead of your father? -Nobody's going to look at you! -Why couldn't you have been a boy and more use to me?' 'Having you ruined my life!'
Words that remained with me like a death wish hanging over my head - such was my fear of my now late mother it took forty years to respond in person and say' Look I never asked to be born! That was your mistake NOT mine!'
It was a relief to get that out - but it was the one and only time face to face I had the chance to stand up to her - I did however send a poem that described how she'd promise to come but repeatedly let me down and never did - that she left me to cope alone in hospital with all the skingrafts and visiting times that I never got anyone coming - that I'd cry on the ward - to receive subtle sanctions of having the screens drawn around my bed or my bed wheeled into a side ward and the bell taken away - and then the student nurses 'Pinkies' advised to keep away from me because I was ' attention seeking' well who wouldn't be after so many years at the mercy of the mighty hospital machine where lack of empathy and plenty of controlling behaviour went on - in particular being fed the little pink 'barbies' Soneryl barbiturates the sleepers handed out willy nilly and waking up with a massive hangover in the morning - I really don't know how i got through all of that - but it's my resolve to get all of the writing I've done over the years eventually published to demonstrate what dangerous cunningly secretive deceitful mothers are capable of -they do say (I think rightly) a mother daugher relationship that's bad is probably the worst of all - the jealousy and queen bee mentality and the need to annihilate any competitors.
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