I am going to straddle the fence here and say, I can see what Fred means in saying its time for all of us to "take back our power" and demand respect. Like you, many/most of us women here allowed our exhusbands to be disrespectful and thus some of the children grew up to be adults who are disrespectful to mom. Or it works the same when mom is the abusive disrespectful one who teaches the kids to disrespect dad. The reason our children do this is to have the power. The boorish, disrespectful and or abusive person is seen as the one with the power in the family. Children don't want to be powerless, they want the power. Only natural. Therefore, they learn to abuse the weaker parent, just as they are taught. Plus, we teach people how to treat us, thank you to Dr. Phil. Like many, I stood up to my abusive ex way too late. I didn't realize what he was doing for many years and at the end, when I initiated the divorce, he felt powerless and thus started the alienation of the adult children. Is always a power struggle. Frankly, I am not interested in the chaos and the grief of living in such a power struggle. I finally decided if he wants to be this way and the AC want to allow him to be critical and disrespectful of me all these years after the divorce, well, taking back my power is not allowing them to hold me hostage emotionally. If they want to act ugly, they certainly can but without me!!
My first impression of you was correct then: I don't know who you are or what your story is but you certainly painted a vivid picture of yourself with your ('angry') reply.
I take it you're actually a troll so I'll leave it at that and not play your games.
Joanna I hope you found somewhere else to ask for help. Sorry to hijack your thread 🙁
I tried to post you but I zonked it while laughing. One more time.
Well my my, Another Rejected Mum, that was truly funny. Wide as my nose? It really made me laugh out loud!
??? Consider that one stolen, and it will be passed off as my joke. I'm in rainy New Jersey. Have a wonderful day, cause you sure made mine. Btw, my nose is kinda wide just like my dad's.
Fred what worked for you isn't going to work in every case. If it was only that simple none of us would be in 'this situation'. If you'd read to the end of my post (and I admit I didn't read much past the start of your angry post so at first I only got the gist of it - it didn't improve with a second reading), you'll see that I left both my husband and daughter almost two years ago and moved a long way away. My daughter continues to air brush me from her life but that's her choice.
I still find it quite amazing that you decided to be judge and jury and not see any wider than your nose, as it were. Anyway, that aside, I'm glad your method worked for you in the case of your son.
Another rejected mum:
You are right, it was mean. I knew it was mean and angry, Another rejected mum. My son was disrespectful too. He did not treat me better until, I rejected him. Stand taller, and demand your respect. I was empathetic until you lamented over the dog. Stop being nice, you too nice mum. I wish you better times, nights, days, and respectful endeavors with your daughter.
Good morning "Fed"
I have to admit that I thought your shocking reply was directed at Joanna. Now I realise it was directed at me! You have no idea what my full story is. What I wrote TO JOANNA was a very sanitised version. And no, I do not appreciate or agree with your 'angry reply'.
I don't know who you are or what your story is but you certainly painted a vivid picture of yourself with your 'angry' reply.
And if Joanna is reading this, I still recommend she visits the forum at the link I posted. I sincerely you, Fred, don't!
Gosh Fred that was harsh tough love! If only it was that simple!
We are all worth much more but it's not always what we are given and have forced upon us. It's dealing with it that's the problem.
Joanna - Take a look at the website I suggested and there you'll be able to voice as much as you want to and you'll come to 'know' in your heart what you really want to do.
Another rejected mum:
I wrote this post in anger. I left this sentence out. Now you admit to feeling rejected because your daughter objects to you taking crap from the dog! And, most likely picking up the dog's crap! I apologize for being mean.
Good morning, another rejected mum:
Are you kidding? You admit to taking crap from your former crappy husband. You admit to taking crap from your disrespectful daughter. Now you have the audacity to admit that you feel rejected because your inconsiderate daughter objects to you from taking crap, and most likely picking up his animal crap! ENOUGH!
Grow some self esteem, and apply no contact strategy to these disrespectful family members. I repeat, NO CONTACT. Demand your respect from your daughter and until she decides to love you better oh well! I wish and know you will not regret the new you. Look yourself in the mirror, and say, "I'm worth more than FIDO!"
My husband of 46 years alienated my daughter from me (within the marriage) and encouraged her since she was 15 to treat me with dislike and contempt. I trod on eggshells with both of them for 19 years but when my daughter told me to get out of her life two years ago last month I knew it was over and I couldn't stay. I moved many miles away from them.
All the reasons she gave were in effect ridiculous. Most were tied up with her protection of her dad who took every opportunity to report back to her if we had any kind of disagreement/row/argument. In truth, he was verbally and emotionally abusive and felt had to keep me under control. If I stepped out of line or answered him back he reacted and made sure he told her what an awful wife/person I was. He was proud of the fact that they had no secrets from one another! Other reasons included : she objected to me walking her dog while she was at work (only allowed under sufferance on two days a week) because I 'let him sniff at every lamp post' and, when I was looking after him while she was away for two weeks on holiday, he had to have an operation (which she knew about) and I said he couldn't be left in the garden for ten hours a day when she got back two days after the op (so I'd have him each day). According to her that was the last straw.
She told me to get out of her life after I'd asked if I could go to watch her show jumping.
When I left (and before I left) I thought I'd go mad with the pain and frustration. I had no voice. I was condemned without a trial. But I found a very active and supportive site that gave me a voice and turned me round.
If you're interested it's: http://www.rejectedparents.net.....-children/
The 'stories' on there are just as mindbendingly alien as mine and yours.
I'm feeling so overwhelmed and hurt by my 32 year old daughter's recent rejection. She has essentially cut me out of her life. This came about after I confronted her, in the most respectful thought out way I could, about my concern for how much she appeared to be drinking. On many levels, she is a very successful, recently completed her PhD, has a great job, is self supporting, and in what appears to be a good relationship, but on a different level, she seems to be a troubled person. I am not the only one noticing her drinking, which I think is excessive. She did not take my words well at all, even though I tried to express them as my concern for her well being, no judgement, no criticism. I know this is often the reaction when someone is confronted about something they don't like . After months of no contact from her, (she ignored friendly texts, postcards, just saying hello, how are you, would love to hear from you, sharing bits and pieces of my life, as I was traveling for five months), I got one text telling me she was happy and would talk to me when my trip (my honeymoon!) was over and how she did not want to ruin my trip . I waited another month and called her on her birthday, which also happened to be Mother's Day. No answer. She had never missed mother's day, or my birthday before. I then texted her and wished her a happy birthday. She then sent me a string of texts, telling me how I had hurt her, how she had never felt loved, how I was a better parent to her two siblings, and many things that were just ridiculous and shocking to hear. ( I suspect she may have been drinking then) She has had several relationships with men that have ended badly, and her brother and sister both tell me she is over sensitive and cuts people off and burns her bridges. She told me I could stop trying to connect with her to "make myself feel better". She lives in a different state, travels frequently for her job, and has remained in touch with her father, whom I divorced over twelve years ago after a 32 year marriage. My other grown children have said I don't deserve this. I , like many parents in this position, am shocked by this rejection and never saw this coming. I really thought she would just blow off my concern, but I refuse to walk on eggs and not say what needs to be said. In my eyes, that is how you love someone. You speak up when you are concerned about them. After the painful texts from her on Mother's day/her birthday, I waited two days, gathered my thoughts and sent her an e mail, acknowledging her pain, apologizing for any wrong doings I may have done as a mother, saying although I would never intentionally hurt her, I realized that a misplaced word or deed falling on the ears of a sensitive child could do a great deal of damage. I did not defend myself or get into any of the accusations she made. I didn't think she would hear them anyway, and told her I would listen and was glad she said the things she did, and hoped that she and I could somehow build a new different relationship. I have not heard anything back from her. I continue to send an occasional light friendly text, and called her once when I heard she had broken her leg. I want her to know the door is always open. No response. I just ordered Dr. Coleman's book, hoping to find some direction. Meanwhile, I don't know what to do, if anything. This has hurt me terribly, and even though the rest of my life is wonderful and rewarding, I have to work so hard to stay positive and not sink.. I try to distract my self from the pain, and luckily my husband is very supportive and understanding. I sometimes want to hop on a plane and knock on her door but fear even more rejection. Just looking for some hope here!
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