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Want estrangement from dad after his messy grey divorce and
July 8, 2015
9:11 am
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NGonzalez
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 Last summer, my dad asked my mom for a separation. My mom found out on her own afterwards that after about 8 years of marriage, when I was 5 and my brother 9, he had an affair which resulted in a son. We also later found out that he was seeing someone else at least as early as the December before. This he all kept hidden until my mom manged to find out and confront him. We got a new house and my mom moved in with my older brother while my dad remained at the old apartment. After my dad told me that he asked for a separation, I was too shocked to really respond. After I didn't speak to him the whole summer until he called me before I left to start a master's program in England. He told me his side as he saw it and I just listened and left it as is. The whole fall I struggled emotionally to deal with this mess. It was made harder by my mom confiding in me since she doesn't have very close friends. I didn't want to see my dad during the holidays, but I relented. We spoke in person before a lunch, but it didn't make me feel any better. Since last Christmas I have spoken to him casually and briefly by text. I am struggling with maintaining a relationship with my dad. By no means did I have a terrible childhood. I felt loved and provided for all the way through college. However my dad has told me that he waited for the separation until after I graduated undergrad because he didn't want to affect me. He also thought that I would be the "reasonable" child and understand his reasons for wanting a separation: he felt that they had grown apart and always arguing. I know it's hard to sound unbiased in this situation, but I do not believe their marriage was so terrible that he had to surprise my mom with a separation. He also worked all the time for our family business and seldom did I see my parents spending time together as a couple. Since then my dad has continued seeing someone and spends frivolously (as in new cars) while saying we can't spend too much. He's continued to lie or hide things from my mom and myself. I just haven't seen any sincere attempt on his behalf to make amends. To me he is selfish, untrustworthy, and has lost all respect from me. Due to the nature of our family business and living so close to the business, it is going to be very difficult for me when I move home. I don't believe our relationship is doomed forever, but I don't like the man he's turned out to be and it causes me so much heartache after a year. All I want is time without any contact to see if I can find peace for myself. However, since I am moving back home until I find a job, I worry about my own financial situation and I worry that if I am estranged from him he'll get used to me not being around and not bother trying to reconcile. I also worry I won't find any peace without contact and yet I can't stomach having to maintain a relationship with him as he moves on and my mom still suffers emotionally. Should I try to maintain contact? Since we've talked about the issue before, do we still need to talk about things? 

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