Tough one, Sue. My only advice is don't give up. You might try the short sweet letter of amends Dr. Coleman recommends, telling your son you know you did not provide him what he needed. Check the other forums here and see what seemed to work for others. It becomes more complicated when spouses control the interactions.
Bottom line. Don't give up. You may need to give him some space by holding off in corresponding for a period of time. See what happens then try again with a short amends email or letter... Short! Don't go into details and don't argue that you did it right, etc. Keep the amends letter a bit ambiguous so he sees it as an apology and not a defense of your behavior. Recognize they may see things differently. Good luck. Have hope and don't give up.
Mother of 1
Well here is my story...... any words of help and advice would be appreciated. I am married with 2 adult children now (24 and 26). When I became a parent , I said I wanted to be better then mine ( we all say that) and I really felt we did. As parents we made mistakes along the way, but nothing to where we could not talk about it or say we were sorry and move on. We were a close family, especially with our son. In 2009 my son entered his 2nd year of college, stopped dating a girl from high school ( of 2 years ) After a couple of weeks of college he started dating a girl from there.The girl was nice, seemed very into herself, she wrote a blog ( and still does) about herself, her clothes, what she buys, takes pictures of herself every day and fashion. I thought she seemed like she was very self involved but he seemed to really like her so we just kept our months shut. Then 2011 he tells us he loves her and is getting engaged.... we were not sure if they were a good match as all she seemed to care about was herself and stuff but we loved him so we just supported and did not say anything. We offered to do an engagement party,they loved the idea, we did it, her parents came with friends,they did not offer any help but critized some things but we let it go. They decided to get married in Aug. 2013 so they had 2 years to plan and us to save and help. As the time grew closer we asked what they needed from us or and they kept saying we will let you know. We told them our gift would be $10,000 towards the wedding and money towards a honeymoon. As it became 6 weeks before the wedding the bride to be starting acting stressed , crazy saying were not giving enough..... we then realized she invited 275 people and that her parents were telling her we needed to pay more. We tried to tell them that we felt 10,000 was a great gift and the honeymoon too... but she said it was not enough and my son just sat there. The wedding came and all went great, we did everything we said we would. when they came back from the honeymoon that is when it started. My son would not return calls, texts, emails nothing. We were very worried and concerned...... He finally texted us said they needed space because his wife said we treated them badly. We answered back saying we were sorry, and that we would loved them and would do anything to help repair or fix our relationship. He never responded , no Christmas response, no thanskgiving.... nothing. He finally said in April 2014 in an email that he need time because he felt we were not nice to them both now ad that he is suffering from depression from it. We responded saying we were sorry,concerned for his welfare, will go to therapy, will do anything to help, fix , no matter who did what.... but he neer responded and has not since then. We still send monthly emails saying we love them and we want to help and fix but no response. His whole family can not understand this, they will not communicate what is wrong or even try to fix. My sons grandmother, aunt and uncle have tried to reach out to him but no response. So it has been almost 2 years this has been going on.... even though I want some day a future maybe with my son, I am not sure how it will ever happen.... I pray . Any advice?
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