My parents and I have had a dysfunctional relationship my entire adult life. When I married for the first time at age 20, they initially approved, my mom even helping to plan the wedding and paying deposits for the venue and photographer. But when she had a falling out with my future husband over religion, they did a U-turn and forbade me to marry. When I went through with it anyway, they told me that I had "allied myself with the devil" and didn't speak to me for 6 years, even missing the birth of my oldest daughter, their first grandchild.
When I split up with that man, it was under terrible circumstances. He had cheated on me repeatedly, and I had also just found out that he had been caught being involved in some illegal activity and was going to flee the country to avoid the consequences. I was pregnant at the time with my second child. I was desperate and turned to my parents for financial and emotional support, which they gave willingly when I repented and joined their church (which many believe is a cult).
My repentance was not a lie. I wholeheartedly repented and embraced their beliefs. My two young children and I lived under their roof for 7 years after that. But over time I grew skeptical about what was going on in the church. I basically just watched a lot of people being told what to do with their lives and having a lot of turmoil. There were a lot of things going on in thay that didn't make sense. I didn't say anything about what I was thinking to anyone because I knew I'd just be accused of unbelief, but inside I was losing faith.
It was also very emotionally difficult being a 30 something woman with two kids and no partner and basically under the control of her parents. I basically had no friendships or social circle outside the church and I felt very isolated. Eventually, I secretly signed up for an dating site hoping to meet someone, which I did. I met someone I really connected with, but who I knew my parents would not approve of because he was not at all religious, nor did he have any desire to be (though at several points he expressed a desire to meet my parents and to attend our church group to be supportive of me).
As my relationship with this man grew, I found myself unsure of what to do. I knew in my heart that my parents would not support the relationship, but I couldn't bring myself to end it, either. Then one night, I was out with him, having told my parents I was somewhere else. (The kids were staying at my sisters house). I accidentally pocket dialed my mom, who then overheard enough of our conversation to realize what was going on. She then used the phone tracking app to locate me. I got an angry call demanding that I come home right away, or she would throw me out.
When I got to the house, my parents were ANGRY and waiting for an explanation. They wanted to know why I was sneaking around. They wanted to know if I planned to run away with him (I didn't). They wanted to know if I had slept with him. They wanted to know why I hadn't brought him to church.
That is when I told them I didn't really believe anymore. And that made them decide they didn't want anything to do with me or the girls anymore. They told me they would give me until the end of the week to get out. They said the girls and I would be dead to them. It was the worst moment of my life.
That man I was seeing at the time was very supportive through all that we went through in the aftermath, and is now my husband of 2 years, and a wonderful stepfather.
Even though I am now on my feet and happy with certain aspects of my life, there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my parents and feel like there is a giant hole in my life. I really think that there can't be any rejection worse than the rejection of your own parents. I just want to heal and move on, but I seem to be unable to do that. Also, while I miss my parents and love them, those feelings are mixed with a lot of anger and hurt. They abandoned me and their grandchildren because I didn't become who they wanted me to be.
There is nothing I can do about the situation, but it would be good for me to talk to some people who have been through something similar. I've never met anyone else who really understands what this is like. Sure, people lose their parents when they die, but it's not like this.
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