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My mum has hatred towards me
April 18, 2016
12:13 pm
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Judith
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Rose said

My mother has always had some kind of hatred towards me and she uses me when she knows her other kids won't probably help her then she used to come running to me. She has said some nasty things for example that me and my kids are going to die and her sons kids are going to live forever. She's made up a lot of lies and my dad and brothers wife against me and my brothers wife has been gossiping to my mother about me so that she hates me more. It's been over a year now since I've spoke to any of them. It hurts me from inside knowing her behaviour is so nasty even towards my kids. I've decided I don't want anything to do with them, as they can't see anything wrong with their actions. I pray for them that they become good people. My kids don't have grandparents but at least they have me and their dad. From the day I was born she didn't want to accept me as I was her second daughter and she wanted a son.

Rose I can relate to a mother's hatred - basically it is a well known fact that when a mother hates her daughter and the relationship is bad it's the very worst - like the 'queen bee trying to annihilate a mother's insane jealousy can wreck us your whole family seems toxic when that happens we have to walk in the opposite direction-  I thought that doing 'the right thing' as one learns from the bible 'turn the other cheek'  and hoping and praying if one is good enough, kind enough and thoughtful enough to them they'll change but these kinds of people without long term radical therapy will not change - they seem to get some kind of mileage out of kicking a nice person down and using them because they see kindness as a weakness to use to their own advantage - I've started going to Co-Da a 12 Step anonymous group support where others like me who've found themselves used and abused in toxic families either through drugs/alcohol or purely schizophrenic cruelty - people like me who in the end had little option but to walk away - those kinds of group support become one's new family learning to respect ourselves and each other and not to be drawn towards anymore users and abusers in adult hood - Because my mother failed to protect me from my father's violence and then excused it saying 'don't tell them at school your father couldn't help it!' while plastering up my bleeding legs -my body and my brain got the message that I wasn't worth protecting and that violence and cruelty was all part and parcel of a supposed 'loving relationship' I'd never have stayed with a man who hit me even once if my mother had taken me away immediately and condemned my father's behaviour - But after he died she too became violent - telling me 'Why couldn't you have died instead of your father - why couldn't you have been a boy and more used to me?'  So I was conditioned to accept that I was a non person - too much trouble - in the way- and became pathetically grateful for any 'friend' to entertain me or welcome me into their house - I was like a stray dog free to good home!!!  - But there was another aspect to all of this I'd been put on 'mother's little helpers'  the shocking poisonous medication 'Valium and Dalmane that efficiently shut me down and trapped me in that abusive marriage - My grandmother's miserable death through medical negligence and prescription drug addiction made it too late for her - I was lucky to find the truth about the drugs while dispensing prescriptions in a GP surgery - the shock of discovering Valium side effects 'possible brain damage with longterm use (15yrs) Amnesia (what more does a philandering spouse need giving the runaround ) no wonder he didn't want me off - telling me 'Oh but diabetics have drugs for life - so what's the harm?'   'Yes but I'm not going to die if I come off am I? '  Oh and Addiction can occur anywhere between 4-14 days - it was like walking into a labyrinth and forgetting my way out - From a world of colour to a grey colourless world of indecision and suicidal depression - I tried killing myself 3 times on all that medication - but on discovering the truth I immediately went 'cold turkey' and I really did think I was dying at that point - the withdrawal effects were not properly explained - the agony in my body - was indescribable - I knew I couldn't afford to  put another pill in my mouth and would lie in the bath in the dark unable to bare lights in my eyes - noise was too loud food tasted strange - i was like a stroke patient unable to get my words out - loss of coordination - too much saliva in my mouth - stumbling about - forgetting what i was doing - letting the rice burn three times in a row going off and forgetting it was on the stove - But within less than 2-3 weeks of getting off the face I'd put up with for 22yrs became unbearable - a blood red veil seemed to come down over his face and one of us was likely to die - I left the marital home on Sickness and Housing Benefit having been sacked by the GP surgery I worked for after being harassed back to work too soon after abdominal surgery for ovarian cyst - It's been a long hard lonely road back but I can now feel my body and I know who is who and who and more importantly who I am - While on all those drugs I never picked up on the little innuendos from so-called friends who clearly found my marital disasters some comfort and entertainment in their own miserable relationships that they couldn't be honest about - And once off I suddenly recognised these people I used to find it impossible to say 'no' to reacted differently as soon as I stopped saying 'yes' for fear of disapproval - suddenly the people I thought were friends disappeared in a mass exodus over the hill and though it was lonely and I was alone at least I was now free to find myself!  Take care of yourself - I had to learn that I couldn't change other people but I could change myself ((Hugs))  

December 8, 2015
1:30 pm
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onestepatatime
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When people treat us very hatefully and demean and disrespect us, it is often called a toxic relationship. The best thing we can often do is to detach from these toxic people and go low or no contact to protect ourselves. I suspect your mother is just this way, hateful and ugly, to everyone. I doubt it is just you or because you actually did something to earn this hatefulness. She verbalizes her favorites, the sons, but I bet she has her ugly moments with them too. Time to start to realize the problem is not you, rather that the problem is your mother and her issues. I suspect you are describing someone with a personality disorder. Enjoy your own kids and husband and focus on them and on yourselves.

December 7, 2015
11:28 am
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Rose
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My mother has always had some kind of hatred towards me and she uses me when she knows her other kids won't probably help her then she used to come running to me. She has said some nasty things for example that me and my kids are going to die and her sons kids are going to live forever. She's made up a lot of lies and my dad and brothers wife against me and my brothers wife has been gossiping to my mother about me so that she hates me more. It's been over a year now since I've spoke to any of them. It hurts me from inside knowing her behaviour is so nasty even towards my kids. I've decided I don't want anything to do with them, as they can't see anything wrong with their actions. I pray for them that they become good people. My kids don't have grandparents but at least they have me and their dad. From the day I was born she didn't want to accept me as I was her second daughter and she wanted a son.

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