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is it time to let go?
September 23, 2014
11:13 am
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LH
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theresac92 said
My mother is a drug addict who continuously makes bad decisions that affect my life as well. I have had many talks wrote many letters trying to explain that I need her to change. Two days max her attitude will lighten alittle. She always seems to go back to the same vicious cycle.  First she starts saying little negative comments about everything.  Then she reacts childishly to get attention ex: rolling her eyes slamming doors. Now she is long distance dating a man that is threatening us. Also she cheated on my step dad with him and shortly after that got fired from her job.  She is now living with me!! I am a college student and a single mom supporting every one in my jouse hold. Now I think its time to move on and take care of myself and my daughter but I am feeling guilty because I promised I wouldnt abandon her. She left me when I was 6 months old and only brought me to visit when she was high. I was abused and neglected as a child. Anf I can see the emotional neglect she is inflicting on my child. I found a place to move.. without her. The deposit is paid and ive already signed the lease. My question is how do I tell her? 

That's a tough question. Your safety and your daughter's safety come first--no question about it. And your mother sounds like exactly the sort to become dangerous: addiction, lifelong impulse control problems, no other means of support, feels entitled to your money and attention, nothing else to lose if she loses you.

It would be nice to be able to consider your mother's feelings, but that's how you landed in this mess in the first place, and your mother clearly doesn't give a fig for YOUR feelings. She's not going to be happy unless you keep enabling her and taking her abuse.

I'd recommend talking to social services immediately. Tell them your situation, explain that there is a small child involved and you are concerned for the child's safety, and tell them that your mother is about to lose her sole source of shelter and support. If your mother has a legal record or any documentation of her poor choices, her addiction, and her mistreatment of you, this is the time to dig it up. The more information you can give, the better. Please, don't be embarrassed about any of it. Social service workers have seen everything, so nothing your mother has done will shock them. If anything, they'll probably be pleased that you're getting your life together and pulling out of your mother's blast range.

You might also want to find some forums for adult children of addicts. They'll have better advice for you because they've been there.

I'm hesitant to give you any further advice because so much rides on what social services can do for your mother, and the degree of your mother's dysfunction. But trust your gut. If you think a situation is dangerous, it is. It won't become any less dangerous if you try to pretend it's not dangerous. You may need a police escort on move-out day, and you will definitely need to hide your new address and your phone number from your mother.

Good luck. Congratulations on being strong enough to get out of there. Your daughter has a good mother.

September 22, 2014
6:28 pm
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mother in relief
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I am not trying to pass judgement on you and God knows you have been through so much yourself.  All I am saying is that you try to get her help through social services before getting the new place so she is not left out with no place to go.  It sounds like she did that to you to some degree but she sounds like she has significant addiction and mental illness and you should not have to carry that on your shoulders....but just be the better person and try to get social services involved to see what they can do for her.  You will feel better for this.

September 22, 2014
6:08 pm
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Mother in Relief
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theresac92 said
My mother is a drug addict who continuously makes bad decisions that affect my life as well. I have had many talks wrote many letters trying to explain that I need her to change. Two days max her attitude will lighten alittle. She always seems to go back to the same vicious cycle.  First she starts saying little negative comments about everything.  Then she reacts childishly to get attention ex: rolling her eyes slamming doors. Now she is long distance dating a man that is threatening us. Also she cheated on my step dad with him and shortly after that got fired from her job.  She is now living with me!! I am a college student and a single mom supporting every one in my jouse hold. Now I think its time to move on and take care of myself and my daughter but I am feeling guilty because I promised I wouldnt abandon her. She left me when I was 6 months old and only brought me to visit when she was high. I was abused and neglected as a child. Anf I can see the emotional neglect she is inflicting on my child. I found a place to move.. without her. The deposit is paid and ive already signed the lease. My question is how do I tell her? 

I have one comment.  It is pretty horrible to get a place, pay a deposit and sign a lease without giving your mother any time to figure out where she will go.  I know she was not a good mother but you are literally forcing her onto the streets sounds like.  No mother no matter how bad deserves that.  Have you looked into social programs to assist into this transition?  I don't think adult children truly understand that parents are not perfect and many have done awful things that have affected their kids but understand that everyone will be held accountable at some point.  To not tell your mother what you are planning  is as bad as the things she may have done but it sounds like she needs help and intervention.  Talk to social services before throwing her out on the street.  Be a better person.  Your mother needs help and intervention for mental illness for one thing - she really can't help herself right now.  I have been shut out by me adult son and I have not done anything as awful as what you say your mother has done.  Yet mothers and fathers go through horrible trauma like this when we don't deserve it.  On some level I think your mother has had a horrible life and maybe a little help from you in reaching out to social services may just be the catylist to turn her around.  Again be the better person.  You will feel better about yourself than worrying about her living on the street.

September 22, 2014
9:34 am
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theresac92
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My mother is a drug addict who continuously makes bad decisions that affect my life as well. I have had many talks wrote many letters trying to explain that I need her to change. Two days max her attitude will lighten alittle. She always seems to go back to the same vicious cycle.  First she starts saying little negative comments about everything.  Then she reacts childishly to get attention ex: rolling her eyes slamming doors. Now she is long distance dating a man that is threatening us. Also she cheated on my step dad with him and shortly after that got fired from her job.  She is now living with me!! I am a college student and a single mom supporting every one in my jouse hold. Now I think its time to move on and take care of myself and my daughter but I am feeling guilty because I promised I wouldnt abandon her. She left me when I was 6 months old and only brought me to visit when she was high. I was abused and neglected as a child. Anf I can see the emotional neglect she is inflicting on my child. I found a place to move.. without her. The deposit is paid and ive already signed the lease. My question is how do I tell her? 

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