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Being told I am a narcissist when my therapists say I am not.
October 11, 2016
3:07 pm
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What
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Honestly, from the above post it sure sounds like you are a narcissist. It must've taken a lot for your daughter to get to this point of cutting you off. That must not have been easy for her either. I wish your daughter well. 

September 3, 2016
3:28 am
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Hi all,

If you have children that have Narcissistic Peronality Disorderlet me express my deepest sympathies. Know that NPD is a very difficult condition to deal with and you may not be able to do it at all.

However, you must understand that NPD is an acquired personality disorder due to trauma in early years, running strongly in families.

If you are prepared to label your adult children as NPD then you must be prepared to also take a good hard look at your own back yard as it were, and look at any narcissistic behaviours you or your co-parent(s) have passed on to your children.

NPD is a serious, lifelong condition caused by parental abuse and neglect or other significant childhood trauma. If your adult children have it there is a good chance you do too.

I want to be clear that my intention is not to point fingers, but to have posters here consider the seriousness of the terms they are using to describe their children.

Peace x

August 7, 2016
5:31 pm
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onestepatatime
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Boy, do I walk in your shoes a lot with my family! Your daughter actually sounds like the narcissist. This is what they do. They want to manipulate and control so they make the other person the bad guy. Ask your therapist if he/she knows about JADEing. Justify, argue, defend, explain. This is the technique narcissists use to keep us off guard and unhappy. They make us justify, argue, explain and defend. We are normal and good people and we try to reason with them, be rational, cause we think this wiill just get them to realize their mistake and treat us better. HA! No, their goal is to manipulate and control us. So learning the techniques of a narcissist will help you recognize how your daughter is and what her techniques are. And never ever get sucked into JADEing, if someone is forcing you to justify or defend, then shut up and walk away. Cause being forced to justify or defend just makes us unsure of ourselves and weak and gives away our power. Which is what the narcissist wants. And remember it is not about you. They would treat anyone like this. If you were not this daughter's mother, if I was, she'd give me the same ugly treatment she gives you. It isn't about you, it is about what is broken inside of her. She just wants to make it that you are at fault. You have to get educated and get firm in your own worth and value.

 

Something a narcissist did to me recently was beg to be helped to purchase a car, looked us in the eyes and lied about how much money he/she saved up, phone call after phone call  demanding, pleading, jading, criticizing how bad as parents we were because we felt several cars were bad choices, really bad choices. Accused us that we were stalling on purpose, all the while this AC didn't even have the money saved, and was demanding we take off of work to go all over town looking at these junk heaps. Eventually the car that was chosen by the narcissist died on the way home, whose fault did the narc AC say it was? OURS!

 

Here's another: someone I know told his mother how angry he was during adolescence that she was drunk every night. Mother is a narcissist and she answered, "It hurt us all" not I am sorry, not yes it did, not any responsibility, just how it hurt her also.

 

Please read Life Code by Dr Phil. Best book I have ever read that helped me to understand narcissism and "bad" people. How they act and what they do and how to protect myself. I am sorry your AC is so horrible to you, mine is just as bad. Remember, we teach people how to treat us, so start teaching her to treat you with respect and if you don't feel you are worthy of respect, then ask your therapist to help you learn this. Because you are worthy of respect and love. Just go find it outside of your AC!

August 4, 2016
12:31 pm
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Here For Now
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I am in a very terrible situation much like other parents here. This has been going on twenty years with my only child, a daughter. She is in her early thirties now. 

She has treated me like you would an obstinate spoiled child at times. Sometimes she talks harshly to me like I don't have a brain in my head. She is verbally abusive and has no problem yelling at me.

The other day she told me I am a covert narcissist and listed some symptoms she thinks I have. That means she believes every word that comes out of my mouth is some kind of narcissistic manipulation. Wow, it is not even possible to fight against that. 

Here is the thing. I have had three neruopsychological examinations due to a concussion when I was young, and they say my mental health is good. Plus, I have been in therapy fifteen years. Seven for my family of origin issues and seven to deal with radical acceptance of my daughter's rejection and harsh judgments toward me.

I know I am not a narcissist. My therapists say I am not, and one of them did her thesis on the movie "Ordinary People", which is about maternal covert narcissism. I actually have two therapists because one is for intermittent help and the other is for group therapy. My second therapist has counseled over 4,000 people and says I am about the most non-narcissistic person she has met.

This is not good enough for my daughter. She continues to cut me off and treat me like I am toxic. I've about had it and am ready to cut ties with her because it is too hard on me. I lost one business and have not been able to work in a new profession I just trained for. Which is as a type of counselor.

I don't know how these kids can believe things when evidence is right in front of their faces to the contrary. Granted, I was not nearly as healthy when I raised her as I am now. But she won't even give me credit for changing at her suggestion twenty years ago. 

These things keep me awake at night. I have a heart condition now, and I think it is from stress from the last twenty years. I get about two to four hours sleep a night. It is killing me and destroying my health. I was under tremendous pressures when raising her as a single mother with no child support, and she won't listen to one word of it. I have been tried, convicted and sentenced to a long term in parental prison by her. 

Here is the thing. I don't mind she said I have problems. That is because she is hurt and needs to find peace for the wounds she feels from her childhood. Boy, I totally understand that and I don't condemn her. But I wish she was not telling people so many bad things about me. And thinking them. As long as she keeps believing these things, I can not have a good relationship with her and she is apt to cut me off forever at any given time. Depressing!

After she said that I realized it does me no good to try and reach out to her for understanding and resolution. She flat out wants to believe these things. Probably to protect herself. But I wonder if she enjoys having power over me because she knows I love her dearly and she can control me due to that love.

What if I cut her off completely and under conditions that she can only talk to me if it is with respect. My therapist is going to help me figure out what to say to her. All I know is I no longer have the stomach for this treatment. I love her and understand she is angry over her childhood. But I don't have to take abuse either. 

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