Estranged Parents Featured in NYT’s Article: When The Ties That Bind Unravel

Dear readers,

Today’s NYT’s featured an article on parental estrangement by one of my favorite journalists, Tara Parker-Pope. The article is one of the first I’ve seen that discusses the pain of estrangement from the parent’s perspective. She interviewed several people who post here on the When Parents Hurt forum. To read the full article, click here: Be sure to add your comments at the end of the article!

63 comments on “Estranged Parents Featured in NYT’s Article: When The Ties That Bind Unravel

  1. So much pain. So much sadness. We have been estranged by our beautiful daughter 3 times. Details are not important, really, except to say that borderline personality disorder symptoms are prominent in our daughter’s behavior. She suffers, oh how she suffers! And in retaliation, she blames us, her parents. Raging, fears of abandonment, sexual promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, broken relationships, no friendships, anger and more anger, covered in tattoos. But, make no mistake, she is a beautiful, intelligent, high verbal, witty, talented woman. Borderline is a serious mental illness. Untreated it is a terrible tragedy and waste. Parents of borderlines can look into their own families and find alcoholism, depression and other forms of mental illness. It has a strong genetic component. There is NOTHING a parent can do. Stop blaming yourselves and hope your adult child finds the right help. You have to accept it as you would leukemia, diabetes, or paralysis. Love the child you have, no matter what. Live your own life as best you can. That’s all you can do.

  2. For most of human history, if an adult wanted to live his life without the interference of a well-meaning parent, he just moved ten miles in any direction. That’s all it took. No postcards. No Mother’s Day gifts. Adios.

    When the Pilgrims came to the New World on the Mayflower, their families in Europe never heard from them ever again, and nobody got upset about it because people had no expectation to continue to be an intimate part of an adult child’s life if that child moved away. At least they didn’t until the invention of the telephone and the jet airliner.

  3. Catherine Todd,
    I am not the owner of the website to which you refer.

    You are one sick puppy.
    You take words and twist them.
    You find the worst in people.
    Many people on that site tried to give you support. You would not recognize support for yourself if it hit you in the face.
    Many people tried to give you feedback. You turned neutral feedback into spiteful, negative, hostile remarks, magically thinking within your own mind.

    Please stop this battle which you will never win. Indeed you were warned you would be suspended from a website where you did not belong.

    Might I suggest you think before you write to anyone… anywhere? What comes out of your spontaneous writing is hateful and negative. That is within your own soul. You are projecting onto the world what resides in your interior.

    Enough! Stop this vindictive ridiculous war. No one cares. No one would believe you were they in their right mind. You appear in your venomous writing exactly who you are: you show the world how twisted is your mind.

    Please seek help. Professional help. Professional classes. Group therapy. That is where you belong, not on websites adding poison to an otherwise supportive environment.


    • I’d like to echo that sentiment to Catherine Todd and add my plea that she get professional help. Estrangement isn’t one of her problems, it is a symptom of a deep-seated, full-blown personality disorder. She will continue to be venomous, angry, hateful, vindictive — and very, very troubled — unless and until she faces her mental illness.

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