I have found that the past 3 years of estrangement, mixed in with angry, accusatory, wrongheaded accusations from him and his wife, that I no longer love my son. He is not the boy that I raised and not even someone I choose to consider family anymore. As a mother, that makes me feel like a terrible person.”
Answer: I think that your position is healthy. As parents, we’re not required to continue to remain open and affectionate to those who continue to mistreat or reject us. Part of the reason that I emphasize making amends, taking responsibility, and showing empathy for some period of time is that I want you to have that in the “I left no stone unturned” bank if you decide to stop trying.
And if you decide to stop trying, it’s healthy to detach in as clear a way as possible, from those who would hurt you. Yes, sometimes that also means one’s own children.