1) Never go out on dates.
2) When you do go out on dates, talk about all of the problems that exist in your partner or your relationship.
3) Criticize your partner’s body. Men, you’ll find this especially effective if you’d like a bad sex life with your wife or girlfriend.
4) Bring up a conflict shortly before bed.
5) Bring up your sexual requests or complaints during fights.
1) Never go out on dates.
Many people wonder why they sometimes do the exact behavior that is the most hurtful to them: sabotage relationships, not going after what they want, staying confused about where they are with their money. A common reason is feeling guilty about having a better life than the people that you grew up with. If you had parents or siblings who were depressed, addicted, unfulfilled or dysfunctional, you might be tempted to hold yourself back as a way not to feel guilty. Survivor guilt is counter-intuitive to most people. One way to think about it is to imagine yourself at a dinner where you have a nice full plate of food in front of you and the rest of your family is sitting there in chains. You might feel selfish either eating the meal or enjoying it. Survivor guilt works the same way. Having a good life might cause you to feel like you’re leaving behind the people you love.
Some parents wonder about whether high school athletics serve any long-term purpose. Apparently, for high school girls they do. According to a recent study cited in the NYT’s by columnist Tara Parker-Pope, women who competed in high school sports, did better later in life in terms of health, education, and economics than girls who didn’t compete.
“Just six years after the enactment of Title IX (the law mandating that schools that receive federal money are required to have athletic programs for girls), the percentage of girls playing team sports had jumped sixfold, to 25 percent from about 4 percent.” One of the researchers, economist Betsey Stevenson “found that the changes set in motion by Title IX explained about 20 percent of the increase in women’s education and about 40 percent of the rise in employment for 25-to-34-year-old women.”
Why would this be the case?
Dear Dr. Coleman,
Our 21 yr old just announced she is getting married in 5 months (not pregnant) to her 2 yr companion and addict boyfriend. We dislike him and his family-there is nothing positive to say about him. We have always had a good relationship with her (so I thought) until this guy came into the picture. Should we participate in the wedding? Should we try to pay for it? (we’ve been unemployed for 3 years now & husband is on disability). Should we ‘bless’ this union even though I get sick thinking about it? I’d rather her continue to live with him than marry him – he is so low & has threatened us. She totally supports his actions – not ours. Her perception has always been “off” and with her multiple disabilities, she will never see clearly. We’ve been accused of being controlling, but we have her best interests in our hearts & she needs protecting b/c of her learning disabilities. Please help!
It is very tough on parents when they a) don’t like their future daughter- or son-in-law and b) believe that their child is making a very serious mistake in marrying that person. From my perspective, it’s rarely productive to come out and say, “I don’t like your fiancé.”