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I have a daughter I have a difficult relationship with, rather than an estranged one, but this website and seminar has made me realise how easy it would be to tip over into estrangement. I feared this over the New Year, but my daughter contacted me the day before the seminar. I still listened and read the transcript several times as I need to know where I'm going. Your talk of a more individualistic society had resonance for me and I have to accept that my daughter is a particularly individualistic member of this individualistic society, and I have to accept that (she does have a lot of courage and tenacity, but not much empathy).
I'm also glad that you mentioned references to narcissistic and borderline personality on websites. The constant references to this had shocked me when I'd gone into the website for estranged children. Having a younger son who's autistic, I get sick of people who're not the life and soul of the party being referred to as 'a bit autistic'. I really wish people would leave these medical labels to the professionals.
Thank you for warning against motivating by guilt. Her dad, will have a major heart op at some point, and I'll remember that.
The one thing I think the talk missed was mention of relationships with the non-estranged child(ren). The problem relationship can take such time and energy. This was brought home to me after the talk. My middle child is working in a third world country, and is having health problems, currently being assessed (with limited equipment). I think I wasn't alert to the early signs of this because of my overwhelming fear with my daughter. It won't be the first time he's been overlooked, stuck between a disabled child and a difficult one. He's such a kind person that he doesn't deserve this. It's so difficult, I'll try and follow your advice but I'm not exactly short of pressure from other things.
Thank you again, your advice has helped me over the past few weeks, but now I'm moving on. I'm sure you'll understand when I say that I hope I won't be using this website again.
My best wishes to all the guests who use it.