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Rvc
I walked early this morning with my husband and usually our conversations include my ES although I try not to dwell on it. I have two sons, one I have a great relationship with and the other there is nothing but silence. So I said to my husband one out of two is only 50%, I guess I failed. He reminded me that I was at the beginning my ES's life and I was the reason he is successful today.
The love and nurturing we have given our children is a truth that cannot be altered. No one can undo the truth. I also was upset that my sister and brother didn't stick up for me more and let my ES know how awful his silence has been. But, they each have stayed in touch with him so that it leaves a door open. I did what I did for my ES because it gave me so much pleasure to see him reach his potential, whether it was sports, or art or music. I have said this before in other posts, but if I could say one thing to my ES it would be…. Your "self-made success" today started with my believing in your abilities and potential and getting you involved so you could soar. I was never promised a role in your present or your future but you can't take away the truth about your beginning and no one else can either.

RVE……..remember that whatever the ex or your estranged child tells people things about you, it is up to them to take the information how ever they want. If lies, and there are plenty of them, are believed by them, they are not worth your time or thought. Especially if they treat you differently. So many lies came out of my daughter, but especially from my sister. She has accused me of saying and doing the things SHE said and did. My sister always wanted a daughter and she found a way to take mine. But my ED is a grown woman and she bought everything my sister said I did. Word against word, the harder I tried to defend myself the worse it was for me. So I gave up and let people believe what they wanted. To be honest that worked the best. I know who are my real friends and family. A broken heart from estrangement takes a while to mend. But it does mend. It gets easier . Remember all the good memories.

Yet, the things I've been accused of feeling, doing, and saying are such trivial, or untrue things, that it just makes no sense at all…………….This was written in one of your posts. This is exactly what I could have said about my daughters estrangement from me. When I apologized years ago, she said she couldn't accept my apology because, "you are not sincere". Well, I was making apologies for things I knew I didn't do or say, so it was evident to her. But, now it is 4 years next week that my daughter threw me away. The anniversary of my son in laws tragic death. In retrospect, you can see things differently looking back. Not necessarily better, but calmer and with new information you didn't have at the time. But it makes no difference to these children who want you out of their life. I am told by her siblings that this new person I know her to be now, WAS that person to them when they were growing up. I was busy going to school, getting a degree and working trying to raise them after the divorce, that I was not aware. But that was a very long time ago. She is a mature woman with children in their 20's. About a year or so ago, I 'let her go'; stopped trying to understand, stopped trying to make it go away, stopped trying to apologize, took her out of any inheritance she may receive. This gave me closure on a very bad situation. It was closure to the death of a relationship. The same kind of closure you get when we buried my stepson and soninlaw. I am glad that she is alive. The closure you get from a death is so very different than from 'letting go'. My door is always open but I cannot try to bring her back into my life as I have learned to live without her and do not want to return to that hurt. What works for me may not work for you. I only stopped sending cards for Christmas 2011. I didn't send her a card for her birthday last year. I sent the last card for her birthday last year, I think, so now she has become so distant in my thoughts I am not quite sure. I just gave up any hope, which was easier for me to give her up. I will always love her. These posts and others on the forum are all worth reading. No two are the same, similar yes, but none the same. You all are in my thoughts and wishes for making the best of a really bad situation.

To all of you, please accept my sincere appreciation for your intimate expressions of your sorrows. Each of you has hit on some feeling I experience every day caused by the abandonment of our younger daughter…of two. You reinforce the thought that my husband and I did the best we could as parents and you remind me that I am not a nut case! Let us all wish for a 2012 of acceptance and calmness, as well as good health and a lot of laughter.

It has been over a year since the shocking estrangement from my son. I have some good days, but still plenty of bad ones. The heartbreak doesn't end. I see my son's face in other young men. I look for him in every tan truck I pass. I simply cannot believe what he has chosen to do. He swears again and again that it is not his wife, but I believe she has totally brainwashed him. He suspects me, as if I'm some type of enemy. He's had people spy on me, on my Internet activity. He has illicted support through a cousin, and the three of them (the cousin, wife, and he), talk about how crazy I am. To have people gang up on me like that, for no real reason, is just terrible. I feel so guilty…like maybe I am really a bad person. Yet, the things I've been accused of feeling, doing, and saying are such trivial, or untrue things, that it just makes no sense at all. The wife attacked ME, and even after I tried to apologize, I was told it didn't count because I didn't accept responsibility. All 3 of these young people treat me like they are just too good and too smart to have anything to do with me.

I have a loving and supporting daughter, thank God. She is all that keeps me from losing my mind. She constantly assures me that I was a good parent. Still, the guilt is overwhelming. I re-live every time I lost it as a parent, and there were those times. I argue with myself, believing that all parents make mistakes, but I worry that maybe I made too many…lost my temper too much… Wasn't the adult I should have been. Will these three ever lose it with their kids? I'm afraid they won't, so they will never understand that anger happens, and that parenting is a very difficult dance between love, teaching, and discipline.

All I want to say to my kid is that I'm sorry, but it isn't enough. Whatever I've done, whomever I am, he wants to protect his little girl from me. Do you know how that feels? As if I'd hurt her? I feel like I'm in jail for a crime I haven't done! It sounds like I was abusive, doesn't it? I asked my daughter if I was. She said "absolutely not", thank you for teaching me right and wrong.

I am sure, if any of them would see this post, they'd call each other up and use it to prove just how absurd I am. Easy enough for them. It's easy to throw stones at someone else's heartbreak. I think people like that are called bullies; that's what my generation called them. I can brush off such immature behavior from the two females, but not from my boy. Having him agree with it just makes me sick inside. We were always vry close. We always talked. To be seen as a threat to his happiness is devastating.

I have a lot of support in my life, for which I am very grateful. I really am not looking for advice or help, but just need to share my feelings. Every single day has a cloud hanging over it because of this. My kids were the very best I had to give to this world. I am so proud of both of them. This horrible situation just feels like a big, ugly smudge on my favorite family photo. It's simply awful. The human side of me, I guess that flawed part, hopes that one day those bullies get a dose of the meanness they have dished out.