TELESEMINAR SERIES FOR COUPLES AND PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN AND TEENS
TELESEMINARS FOR ESTRANGED PARENTS
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It takes two
September 11, 2010
Lexy
Hi Margaret
Thanks for responding (tho your post did seem to end a little prematurely).
Counselling is a tricky one. It is a painful journey; and one that can either help or hinder. I think the crux is finding a good counsellor; experienced in "our" kind of issues. If you can come out of it with coping strategies then it will enable you to walk taller and more stongly forward to the place in your life where you accept what has been, enjoy what is now and look forward to what is to come.
Admittedly I have never sought counselling. I'm not sure why except that like you my partner is my very best friend and he is also a natural counsellor and knows me better than I know myself and with kindness, honesty and straight talking he has helped me to put things in a place that I can live with. Luckily also I am a very philosophical person and a natural "glass half full gal". (Thank God otherwise I don't know how I would have lived my life the past 10 years). Although I have had a few sessions for other reasons such as when my daughter took an overdose and was diagnosed with a personality disorder. I can understand your caution and worry, cos opening up is always painful but you will know in your heart after a few sessions if this is the right route for you I guess.
My sons birthday tomorrow looms largely in my mind right now. But I know from experience I will get thru the day. I will seek distraction without tears although I am ready for the sadness for "What might of been…" but I know I am not alone in these feelings. And knowing that gives me additional strength.
I wish you well Margaret.
Lexy
September 10, 2010
Margaret
Lexy,
I agree that it does take two people to create an estrangement of any kind. I understand the sadness of missing major events in our adult children's lives. I appreciate your posting about your son's birthday.
I have made an appointment to see a really good counselor on the 20th of September. I am anxious about talking about our daughter's estrangement once again. I am tired of crying and feeling depressed and am worried that this session will bring these feelings to the front again. Hopefully, my attitude will be one of needing to learn some tools to help with issues. I plan to accent the present and not dwell on past issues.
I have not had support from anyone in my family…Mother, brothers and sisters. This has hurt me so much. My husband is my very best friend and I am fortunate to have him in my life. So, my counseling goal is to learn to move on and live in the present. I have so many really good friends that are there for me.
I pray for everyone on this blog. We are brave, we are honest and most of all we are God's children and deserve a wonderful stress free life.
I have parted from my church because I feel that
September 10, 2010
Lexy
Today I woke up thinking about my son. Sunday is his 23rd birthday, so my usual strength and resolve is a little fragile, but hey this is the 5th birthday since he's wanted nothing to do with me so the road of acceptance is now a familiar one.
Anyway my thought was just a simple observation really; over and over again we beat ourselves up about whether we have been GOOD and loving parents; whether we loved enough, or did enough or fell on our swords enough; but y'know life is a two way street; it's about actions and reactions; a jig-saw puzzle where we ALL have to fit together to find harmony.
So I guess my thought was – were our "kids" good enough? Once we are adults, capable of making rational and sensible decisions we DO have to take responsibility and admit culpability for the route we decide to tread.
I think MY sons behaviour was atrocious towards me and he WAS and IS responsible for that behaviour. I chose to be a parent; I did not choose this and I will NOT let it ruin my life.
Off to put these feelings back in their tight lidded box! Happy Friday folks!