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In Dec. 2008 my daughter screamed at me that I had no idea how much she resented me. This was in the car, while I was driving to get her to an appointment, in a city where we only lived for about 7 months, and in traffic that was nerve racking, to say the least. At that time she had a boyfriend who was a great guy, with a great family, who embraced her, and all of her family. Shortly after that I noticed she was always angry, took offense where none was intended, etc. Went on to break up with that guy in Aug. 2009. She then decided she was going to have a relationship with a guy she met when a college freshman. Within a month of seeing him she started telling us that we were too involved in her life, getting angry with us all of the time, etc.

Once, I expressed disapproval that she skipped grad school classes, which are only twice weekly, to drive to this guy's college 4 hours away and go to a game. She was enraged. We reminded her that since we were paying her tuition we expected her to use it and not waste it. He expressed his anger to me, as well as calling me on other occasions to tell me that he didn't approve of other conversations that were really not any of his business. The conversations involved asking her for accountability, which she resented, and he was more than happy to tell us. He even told her to tell us to eff off. Long story short: since dating him she has had nothing but a personality change. She went from spending a lot of time with us, to not wanting to spend any time with us. She did not come with the family on Father's Day, nor on her father's birthday, and we did not see her for 3 months straight at one point.

Now she is graduating from grad school, and tells us one thing, but does the opposite when scheduling job interviews. This BF lives 3 hours away from us, and all she used to say was how great his city was, all young people should live there, etc. But after spending a summer there, she told me she had not intention of living there, and didn't like it. Now she has gone over there, without letting us know anything, for job interviews, while all the while telling us she was looking for a job in the city where we live.

I could go on and on, but she has always had the ability to not accurately interpret others emotions, and take offense where none was meant. But since this BF all of her most negative attributes have magnified. Anger, resentment, not being treated as well as her sister, etc. On the other hand, with the previous boyfriend she was the most mature and stable we had ever seen. I am living with a hole in my heart at the change in the daughter who once was so close to us we were the envy of all who knew us. I fear that she will cut herself off from us altogether is she moves to his city, and sadly, I believe that this is exactly what he wants. I do not blame him entirely for the change in her, as she has made choices. But I do believe that he brings out the worst in her, and don't know what to do, because there is nothing to do but pray. And I am getting numb, and losing hope. She is a walking epitome of anger and resentment. Don't know why – we sent her and her sister to the same private schools, paid for her out-of-state tuition for 3 years because she didn't get into a state college, bought her clothes when she needed or wanted them in high school. We still pay her tuition, her own healthcare plan, pay for maintenance and repairs on her car, car insurance, and pay on her student loan. But she tells everyone that she has huge student loans, and pays for everything herself. It seems she is incapable of seeing anything we have done for her. My life has changed drastically, and I am depressed due to this situation. Thank you all for your posts, because it is helpful to hear that I am not alone. She wants us to say we like this BF, but she latched onto him so she wouldn't be alone, and he has been nothing but rude, and overbearing to us. I hope she gets the help she needs, but she says she doesn't need help – everyone else does! (Classic for a personality disorder, I know) Meanwhile, I have lost hope, and have begun to accept that this is probably the way things will always be. Thanks for listening.

Kathi…I too have “begged” my kids to remain in my life…. always being there for them in a crisis, calling and calling and CALLING, instantly forgiving (not say NOT forgive, but sometimes there are consequences to some behaviors and you can forgive while setting limits…like i told my daughter in an email “i love you. however if you ever hit me again you will be arrested”…… I will not apologize for things i have not done, or make dozens of phone calls (rarely answered) to try and stay connected. a relationship takes TWO…and it has been only ME trying to keep it together. I am hurting during these holidays but sense some peace too….I will acknowledge the hurt as nothing takes away the pain of a child who totally rejects you…but in the storm there is peace as I realize God has a plan in all of this.


Well, the last time I wrote I finally felt that I could accept my daughter crossing me, her dad, her sister and my parents of her list and out of her life. I knew the true test Just to refresh my story quickly, she left a note on the table 5 1/2 years ago. Was embraced by her fathers side of the family and said God only knows what about but I all lies. Last year I was told she was engaged so I emailed her and wished her well etc. I told her that we would love to help her in anyway and that I had heard they were planning a Disney honeymoon. I told her we would love to be able to arrange for her to stay at their most deluxe resort. She did write back only to say no. Now what I am trying to wrap my head around is she is sending Xmas cards to close friends of mine (that she has never done before) and signing them from her and her fiance. Of course I am being told this and I want to cry and scream why doesn’t she send a card to her grandparents or her sister or me and her dad? I wish I could get into her head to know if she knows that she is intentionally hurting me and her fatehr more and more even though so much time has gone by. I have been told that she is also facebooking these people too. It is like she is trying to make sure that I am constantly reminded that she hates us. I am so tired of hurting and crying and thinking of her every single day. Please does anyone know if this hurt will ever stop? Will she ever grow up and welcome us back? What is she thinking and why is she doing this? Please don’t mention reaching out to her again etc. You can be sure in the past 5 years I have tried it all only to have her change her phone number, ignore me etc. It is only so hard to understand why she had completely estranged herself from all of us. This isn’t just a mother /daughter thing. My story is like so many others I have read in that we were always a close family, we did everything together, no divorce, no drinking, no problems. Just an ideal childhood with all the priviledges any kid could want. why, why, why? If I can only get through the next few weeks I know that in the new year I can get back on track. It is the holidays that make this so unbearable.