Good afternoon Ms:
Lord that is a sad story. Sometimes our children can put so much emotional abuse upon us that we get lost. I have noticed through my limited social work that abusers are astute enough to manipulate, change the dynamic, shift blame, leave residual pain, and confuse the only people who loved their ungrateful butts unconditionally. This happens to be your adult child. However, he was able to drag you down in that angst ridden grave with him. Ask yourself why did it take so long to get rid of his abusive memories? Ask yourself why did you grieve hurtful times? Ask yourself how you presented yourself to your kid and your grandchildren during these years of mourning a man that didn't deserve you when he was alive? And stop and notice the time you are still giving him and he has graced your life by simply being gone. Listen Ms, you are a woman of integrity, you would have not protected your child if you wasn't a good person. Battered women get confused sometimes, and manage to wear that shame even when it's gone. Please stop preparing for your sad ending and rejoice in your new beginning. Your kid will come back when you show her that you are going to live! Show her that bad decisions will not keep a woman of integrity down! Quit telling your brother, and your son-in-law about you leaving here. Ms, they don't want your things, they want you! You are no longer a battered woman! Shake off those memories, stand tall, and prepare to live your new life. Our children become stronger when we do. Your daughter's eyes will open objectively when you let her gaze upon the strong, supportive, loving mama and grandmother that she needs you to be. Trust in God and he will pull you through to better times.
Hello. I just submitted without first dragging the scissors into the circle. I am human. Please post my reply. Thank you.
Yesterday, after stalling for 5 years after my husband's death, I started clearing out 41 years of paperwork and memories. My brother encouraged me to get going and for the first time I listened to him. As I was sorting through everything, I started noticing all the pictures of my estranged adult daughter with her abusive father. It made me sick to my stomach and I also noticed that there were no pictures of me and my daughter. I set these aside in a box for her after I pass on. I also noticed that very slowly since her father died she has been asking for things of her father's to keep. I gave them to her. At the time of those requests I asked her if she wanted certain things of mine which she declined. I started noticing my daughter's distance when her father's cancer started to go into advanced stage and that she was no where to be seen. I had no time then to discuss this with her with all the medical issues he had but I certainly noticed her absence. This is the man she now has on a pedestal since his death. The man she witnessed beating me up, the man I held back from beating her. The man I worked around to get my daughter to college and the jobs I worked to insure her future that her father cared nothing about. I believe now she has her reasons for this admiration; one of which would be to align with the abuser as she has demonstrated time and time again the same abuse toward me. Not physically, but emotionally by her callousness and absense. I hardly ever see my grandchildren. I have asked that they come and visit with me and I am turned down. So another generation is lost to me. The pain is unbearable and I live in constant sadness and despair. Yesterday I started to face it. My heart is beating like a hammer as I allow the realization to take hold. I have been living in denial while making excuses for her all this time. I believe that she noticed this and her abuse intensified. So much so that I can no longer keep my head in the sand. Thanks so much daughter! I get it now. I have decided to turn over my healthcare and final wishes to my brother. Should he be unable to fulfill my requests at my death, I decided to look into hiring someone; perhaps an attorney to make sure that my end is as I wish. I realize that anything that might be left to leave to my grandchildren would be eaten up in these costs but so be it. My son in law told me straight out not to leave my grandsons anything because they don't need it. My daughter told me not to save anything of mine for her because after I am gone she said "I'm getting a dumpster". She also told me that if I don't take care of myself by myself, she will put me in a home. So I hear it all loud and clear. The pain in ongoing so I thought I would join a support group for those times when I make all this my problem; my fault, my tragic flaws, etc. as I tend to fall back into being completely responsible for my daughter's apathy, disrespect, absence, distance and removal from my grandsons lives. I don't know if my situation helps anyone else as I can offer little in terms with dealing with this to diffuse someone else's pain. It is heartening to know that I am not alone and how awful all this is. God bless everyone going through this. God bless us all. Thank you for allowing me to post and for everyone who shares their story here.
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