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Son hasn't talked to us in 3 yrs. always been jealous of anyone that would take me away from him. Recently daughter divorced made house into mother daughter,so jealous because now granddaugher takes my attention.Had meeting just screamed at me found out even jealous of father.He's married & him & wife lived with me for 2 yrs then bought house & wife to be lived with me for 9 months parents threw her out. Did so much for son because never fit in.Can't believe he's done this to us,happened once before & i gave in but this time he started this so now its his turn. This really all started when granddaughter was born,him & wife don't want kids,always made remarks that when she cried that was instant birth control,my daughter really wanted to let them have it but kept peace.Sometimes i can't beleive this is happening to me,husband hates him for what he is doing to me says has no son.I really wish i knew how to move on,if he died i could accept because then there is closer but alive i'm so upset.He really doesn't bother with rest of family,told some of them off . Do i just get on with my life and hope someday he comes around,i can't keep doing this to myself.

Debbie said:

cessie said:

ezmay said:

anyone out there with coping strategies? our 34 year old son hasn't communicated with us in 1.5 years.

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yes, i think i can relate..our son and his wife moved away and refused any kind of communication for quite awhile. that was 2 years ago, and gradually, we are rebuilding our relationship. some of it is maturity..i dont know how old your son is, but some kids never get past things due to lack of growing up..
keep the lines of communication open..call him, write to him, email him, tell him you love him..go see him..i doubt if he will turn you away.
if all else fails, just leave him alone except to notify him of family illness etc..
we have a grandson, so we now go see our son and his wife in another state about 3 times a year..they cant afford to come here yet plus our grandson cant fly at the moment due to inner ear probs..but we are now hearing them say, "come anytime.." which is music to our ears.
we also have a possible diagnosis of asberger's syndrome for our son's lashing out at us..
his wife really caused the rift, although our son was also dealing with depression..she is coming around via our grandson..however, she never communicates with us..i will take that back..i got a get well card from her a few weeks ago..
whatever you do, keep the lines of communication open, even if he says he doesnt want to talk with you..never give up on your kids..even if they do dispicable things..unless they are threatening you..good luck!

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I liked your advice about not giving up. My relationship with my two adult sons has been strained for years. We just got back in touch after 9 yrs. apart. They had my address but I didn't know where they were. My sons are 40 and 45 and I have felt this distance between us since they were both in their late teens. If I started sharing all the circimstances I would be here writing for a long time. So just let me say this, I can feel the tension from my two sons when we are together. For about the last year we have talked back and forth but can't seem to resolve things. My older son believes there is no point in talking about the past and adamently refuses to do so. My younger son just doesn't say much so I don't know what his opinion is. We recently got into a situation that they saw things one way and I was hurt so badly by what they both had to say to me that for the first time in all these years I sounded back at both of them and spoke my mind. I keep emailing my older son who lives many miles away but he never answers them anymore. My younger son told me he refuses to play email games with me and if I have anything to say to him I am to call him.
I wish my sons were researching the web for answers to help us instead of me. They show no interest in going forward. Their father took his own life after we had been divorced about 5 years this was when my sons were about 11 and 16. I've tried to think thru everything and desire answers so badly but they just won't talk to me. They both know I have mild depression but they act like that's something they just don't want to show me any understanding about. I know I have never gotten a call from either of them asking how am I doing? Yet I keep contacting them in some form. I feel for all parents of adult children going thru this. It's a terrible experience.

1. read books about verbal abuse
2. read books about bullying
3. read "LOVING WHAT IS" … Byron Katie
4. GET ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE AS IF YOU HAD
NEVER HAD CHILDREN
5. read books about narcissists
6. enjoy people- no matter who-. that enjoy your company – this will prove that is has nothing to do
with you
7. you have to do ALL the above – has helped me greatly
8. take a stand — leave them alone –force yourself to
have fun —– LOTS OF FUN

cessie said:

ezmay said:

anyone out there with coping strategies? our 34 year old son hasn't communicated with us in 1.5 years.

---

yes, i think i can relate..our son and his wife moved away and refused any kind of communication for quite awhile. that was 2 years ago, and gradually, we are rebuilding our relationship. some of it is maturity..i dont know how old your son is, but some kids never get past things due to lack of growing up..
keep the lines of communication open..call him, write to him, email him, tell him you love him..go see him..i doubt if he will turn you away.
if all else fails, just leave him alone except to notify him of family illness etc..
we have a grandson, so we now go see our son and his wife in another state about 3 times a year..they cant afford to come here yet plus our grandson cant fly at the moment due to inner ear probs..but we are now hearing them say, "come anytime.." which is music to our ears.
we also have a possible diagnosis of asberger's syndrome for our son's lashing out at us..
his wife really caused the rift, although our son was also dealing with depression..she is coming around via our grandson..however, she never communicates with us..i will take that back..i got a get well card from her a few weeks ago..
whatever you do, keep the lines of communication open, even if he says he doesnt want to talk with you..never give up on your kids..even if they do dispicable things..unless they are threatening you..good luck!

I liked your advice about not giving up. My relationship with my two adult sons has been strained for years. We just got back in touch after 9 yrs. apart. They had my address but I didn't know where they were. My sons are 40 and 45 and I have felt this distance between us since they were both in their late teens. If I started sharing all the circimstances I would be here writing for a long time. So just let me say this, I can feel the tension from my two sons when we are together. For about the last year we have talked back and forth but can't seem to resolve things. My older son believes there is no point in talking about the past and adamently refuses to do so. My younger son just doesn't say much so I don't know what his opinion is. We recently got into a situation that they saw things one way and I was hurt so badly by what they both had to say to me that for the first time in all these years I sounded back at both of them and spoke my mind. I keep emailing my older son who lives many miles away but he never answers them anymore. My younger son told me he refuses to play email games with me and if I have anything to say to him I am to call him.
I wish my sons were researching the web for answers to help us instead of me. They show no interest in going forward. Their father took his own life after we had been divorced about 5 years this was when my sons were about 11 and 16. I've tried to think thru everything and desire answers so badly but they just won't talk to me. They both know I have mild depression but they act like that's something they just don't want to show me any understanding about. I know I have never gotten a call from either of them asking how am I doing? Yet I keep contacting them in some form. I feel for all parents of adult children going thru this. It's a terrible experience.

ezmay said:

anyone out there with coping strategies? our 34 year old son hasn't communicated with us in 1.5 years.

yes, i think i can relate..our son and his wife moved away and refused any kind of communication for quite awhile. that was 2 years ago, and gradually, we are rebuilding our relationship. some of it is maturity..i dont know how old your son is, but some kids never get past things due to lack of growing up..
keep the lines of communication open..call him, write to him, email him, tell him you love him..go see him..i doubt if he will turn you away.
if all else fails, just leave him alone except to notify him of family illness etc..
we have a grandson, so we now go see our son and his wife in another state about 3 times a year..they cant afford to come here yet plus our grandson cant fly at the moment due to inner ear probs..but we are now hearing them say, "come anytime.." which is music to our ears.
we also have a possible diagnosis of asberger's syndrome for our son's lashing out at us..
his wife really caused the rift, although our son was also dealing with depression..she is coming around via our grandson..however, she never communicates with us..i will take that back..i got a get well card from her a few weeks ago..
whatever you do, keep the lines of communication open, even if he says he doesnt want to talk with you..never give up on your kids..even if they do dispicable things..unless they are threatening you..good luck!

I have been estranged from my daughter for the last 22 years since she was eight.
I found a song tthat summed up my feelings called"Do you still remember me" by DaveW.Mac at: http://openmic.folkalley.com/DaveWMac

There is a great website called Daily Strengh. There is a group called estranged parents everywhere. Check it out.

anyone out there with coping strategies? our 34 year old son hasn't communicated with us in 1.5 years.