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Also there is no way this young 16 year old can possibly have had the experiences we are dealing with, there is no way she can possibly understand. If Dr. C. has a site for teens who have difficulties with parents (if that is her reason for being here?) that would be the most beneficial to her.

Patti said:

Jackie said:

Evidently , you must be new to this forum. Had you read many of the posts from the many subjects you would have known that the abreviations for ED and ES stand for estranged daughter and estranged son. Also, since you think this person is being rude talking about her daughter behind her back, this must mean you think the same of the hundreds of others who post on this forum in regards to their same situations of estrangment.

This forum was created for parents of estranged sons and daughters , to connect and give support to each other.
Your posts are not needed unless, they give "positve" support, encouragement and sympathy.

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I am sorry, I hate to be sounding insensitive, but I think Dr. Coleman might need to step in and re-direct Cambria to another site. Her comments are disruptive and distructive to our goal of supporting each other over estrangement with our ADULT children. Maybe there is a site for teens and very young mothers that she will benefit from. It this can't be done, then let's not play into and feed her comments. Starting now.

Cambria, are you having issues with your mother and not speaking to her? Is that why you are on this site? If so, could you enlighten us and give us your side as to what caused you to stop contact.

carolyn said:

AMEN! Couldn't agree more, Helen Marie.

Carolyn and Helen Marie, I agree! Also, this is not the site for 16 year olds to condemn us, it is strictly for parents like us. We have to live the harshness of what is real in our lives….and let's hope the 16 year old never has to deal with what we are.

Hi Cambria. I think at your age it's natural for you to take the ED's
stance. Please remember though that you are dealing with some extremely hurt people who would rather have a 10 year prison sentence, than endure what they have to endure. Perhaps this is not the site for you. Best wishes.

well tbh im only 16 so i think you guys should see it from her view …

Believe us – what we are dealing with is more than 'harsh'. When you spend your life doing everything for your children and they grow up taking it all for granted and show no appreciation and, in fact, they could care less about you – calling them our 'estranged' children is far from 'harsh'. I've called them a lot worse, under my breath. They don't deserve our respect, if they don't show respect to us, their parents. Yet, with all the hurt we experience because of them, we will always love them – even if we must 'let them go'.

Evidently , you must be new to this forum. Had you read many of the posts from the many subjects you would have known that the abreviations for ED and ES stand for estranged daughter and estranged son. Also, since you think this person is being rude talking about her daughter behind her back, this must mean you think the same of the hundreds of others who post on this forum in regards to their same situations of estrangment.

This forum was created for parents of estranged sons and daughters , to connect and give support to each other.
Your posts are not needed unless, they give "positve" support, encouragement and sympathy.

cambria, ED is the abbreviated form for estranged daughter.

it is a bit harsh that you call you daughter "the ed"

I feel compelled to write here as I've experienced the same mother-role displacement in my family, with my three daughters. Over the years and at various times, my oldest daughter has taken over things and directed my other two daughters in a way that undermines and diminishes my role as their mother. I have also come to understand that my sister, who's a year younger than myself, is the catalyst behind much of the discounting and character demonization that is directed my way. I could never have fathomed that anything like this could happen to me. But it did. It turned me inward, with much second-guessing, defensiveness, and emotional confusion. It left me trying to cope and be the naturally good and loving person that I know I am in an unnatural and unloving situation. I've learned some things and I'll share here and hope my words can help. I learned to be still and rest and take care of myself. Those involved in all this nonsense count on you to react to situations they create that will support what a terrible or crazy or unsupportive person you are. I became more thoughtful, doing less "shoulds," and I communicated love and caring to those that would receive it. I did this when I was calm and with no agenda of reciprocation. It took much practice but it really freed me emotionally. I let things go as far as how I thought things should be recogizing that my ego, my precious hurt feelings, could lead me astray and only feed into the potential dysfunction swirling around me. I read, I talked to only a few trusted friends, and I got professional counseling. I empathized the best I could and found that when I practiced this not only did my angst diminish but my compassion grew. I could understand more and with this, get on with my life. Slowly and inconsistently, it became less painful. Things aren't perfect but I learned how not to be a participant, however unwillingly, in the "yuk." I realized that personal choice is in everything, especially these estrangements or role changing family situations. So when family stuff was not wonderful, I found things that were – in my home, in nature, my work, and in the unknown. As I worked on a day-to-day acceptance of whatever – curiosity about other things, what I could do, where I could walk or read or learn – became a great balm to my suffering. I hope you can find your balm, too, and know that you are not alone. Take very good care.