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We were at the beginning of each of our estranged children's story. The love and nurturing we gave them cannot be altered. What we gave them or did for them while they were growing up was for the mere pleasure of seeing them reach their potential. All the driving, sacrifices, lessons and other devotions was for us as much as for them. So I say to my first-born estranged son today…You cannot alter the truth about where you came from. Your self-made success today came from my believing in your abilities and potential. I was never promised a role in your present or your future but you can't take away the truth about your beginning. I gave my son to the world, like another mother did, and maybe some day he will look back. Until then, I am grateful that I can speak my heart on Dr. Coleman's website.

I have allowed myself to stay a part of the game only as I am able endure for my emotional and mental health this season. I realize I have to take care of myself. I sent Christmas cards to my three est children, simply to let them know I am thinking about them and love them. I do not expect anything in return. I am at peace with this. For my sanity, I have chosen to" block" for a week any calls or texts of theirs to my cell phone. Otherwise, I know I will secretly be waiting on pins and needles for a text or call all day. Then when I do not receive one, I will feel rejected and hurt, spiraling downward into a depression. I did not hear from any of them for Thanksgiving, and decided I needed to have a plan for my own sake, this day. I do not want a call or text out of guilt or sentimentality because of a holiday, and be expected to accept it as a great token, then not hear from them again. I am ok with taking the initiative to do this. I will not allow myself to go through those devastating emotions this year. I can not put my husband through this again. I somehow feel empowered and stronger this year. I guess I am in the acceptance stage. Perhaps someone is offering up many prayers on my behalf.
Today I hope and pray for everyone in this familiar situation , a peace and acceptance for who we are as an individual, a daughter, a wife, a mother, etc. I wish for each of us , respect and love for ourselves. I want each of us to be filled with the realization today that we do not need any outside influences to give us this except God and ourselves.
For some reason this came to my mind, an except from Barbara DeAngelis's book "Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know" I would like to share this for myself and all of you today, who may still be struggling and are trying so hard to be strong as I am. It states,
"The only thing wrong with you, is that you don't understand, that there is nothing wrong with you, that there is nothing essential missing. Nothing is going to make you more perfect or more whole than you already are now."
The gift we have today, is ourselves! God bless us all!

I don't know that each passing year get easier to accept or brings peace. This is my 10th year estranged from my children, who only live a few miles away.

Many years I have volunteered at homeless shelters and churches, to provide care for those less fortunate than myself.

I have spent the holiday with my immediate family, yet the dysfunction and the loss permeate any true joy that should be experienced at Christmas-it is afterall, all about family. . . and mine has been shattered. The only solace that I have, is that next year may be more peaceful.

I'm staring at the Christmas tree I bought last week, hoping I would feel the joy to engage in the celebration; it has no lights, no ornaments, it is bare. The desire to embellish the tree and bring life to it escapes me.

Next year, maybe?

Blessings to all,
A&E's Mom

Thank you for sharing your faith and strength. Your post has given me hope for my future. I work hard to put this behind me so that one day I can once again look forward to tomorrow and live each day to the fullest. For me, this has been acceptance, surrender, letting go and turning control over to God. It has been five years and I simply cannot let this control me any longer. Again, thank you for this uplifting post. Merry Christmas to all and may we all find peace.