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Hi Jennifer,

You’re raising a really important question: “Should I have children with my partner when I have serious reservations about his behavior?” In a word, no. Or, at least, not yet. Children create a 7-fold increase in housework. SEVEN-FOLD INCREASE! So, if you think you’re overwhelmed now, wait until the baby arrives. In addition, for a majority of couples, the arrival of a child results in a decrease in marital satisfaction, not an increase. In fact, couples don’t experience the same level of satisfaction that they had prior to children until the kids go off to college.

The good news is that if he really wants kids, your refusal to have them unless he changes his evil ways can be a serious motivator. Sit down with him and write out how the marriage would need to be different before you’re willing to bring children into it. Give him a year to get better (he’ll NEVER be as clean as you, but if he significantly improves, you may find that that’s good enough). Let me know what you think!