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Hello everyone;
I am Neire's partner. I guess what hurts the most about not being invited to the wedding is that I see it as a show of total disrespect on the son's part for his mother. She is trying to reconnect with him. He's 21 and he and finacée has a 5 month old son. Neire gives them money for groceries and tries to talk to her son. He takes her money. When he was 17 he left home and blamed it on his mother. He chose to leave. Even with several heartfelt apologies on my part for having caused him pain in any shape. All I did was support Neire's parenting. There was no abuse of any sort from either one of us. He refused to accept any apology from me. The latest and probably the last apology was sent on Sunday. I still haven't heard from him. I probably won't. I thought maybe that he might be growing up by now and realize that neither his mother nor I were or are out to "get him". An invite for both of us to the wedding would show a definite movement to accepting his mother's olive branch for reconsiliation. Such is not the case. I'm not going to beg for an invite. That's not the point. I think he's still trying to hurt his mother whenever he can. She found out about her grandchild's birth on facebook. He made his sister promise not to phone his mother and tell her. How do we/ I deal with this hurt? Does Neire go to the wedding just to be shunned? Is the son afraid that if he doesn't invite his mother to the wedding, she won't give him money? Does she tell him that she really doesn't want to go because I'm not invited and that he refused my olive branch? Does she go and be miserable? I personally don't have any children. I teach children. In all my years of dealing with kids, and teens, i have never come across anyone so mean, nasty, and vendictive. I would appreciate any support, advice or ideas on how to deal with this.
Thanks for listening
Sara
P.S. He wasn't always like this. His mother and I started living together when he was about 13 1/2. From that age till about 15 he and I got along very well. We respected and liked each other.

Hello Everyone,
I kust want to express my sincere empathy to all of you for what you are going through. I know having a child who had rejected us as parents is hell. I am going thorugh my own trials and I just want to share. My s21 year old son is getting married in August.I am invited and my partner is not. She is heartbroken. I am resigned. Let me explain.
I only just started talking to my son again after a long time. He lived with my partner and I for many years but it was difficult. What I thought was
teenage rebellion continued and only got worse. I tried everything, talking with him, counselling (for my partner and myself,he refused to go) you name it I tried it. He finally left after getting angry with me and he accused me of "giving him nothing but abuse." I have worked my butt off for many years giving him what I could. Fortunately, I have a good job and i make god money but working as a nurse means I work long hours and I was away from home a lot. Now, ,my partner also tried to do her best for him but he rejected that too! There has never been any abuse towards my son from both of us.
Now, he and his girlfriend have a son who is five months old. They live in a tiny one bedroom apartment. Money is extremely tight for them. They decided they absolutely have to get married and are having a small (eighty people) wedding outdoors in a local park with a potluck to follow. I wonder where they got the money but something tells me her parents put it up, not that I would ask. I think the only reason my son condescends to talk to me now is because I give him money now and then for groceries. I have serious concerns about the baby and that he have enough. This child is at risk and I am keeping a close eye on the situation.
My partner admits she made some mistakes with my son, again I can state without hesitation there was no abuse. After much discussion with me and souls searching on her part she has apologized to my son. He rejected her apologies. Now, he has invited me to the wedding and not her. I told him how I feel and he said it would be better to discuss this face to face over coffee. Not that I think he will take the initiative to call me he will just forget about it. Once again, my partner sent him an apology but she didn't hear anything back. I don't think she will.
So now, I am in the painful situation of trying to decide if I will go to the wedding or not. I think this marriage is doomed to fail. His finace refuses to speak to me she won't even say thank you to me for the money or for taking them out to dinner etc. I can go to the wedding by myself, miss my partner, watch my ex husband and his wife (they are heros of course to me son even though my ex left years ago and left me to raise my son with no support from him, his wife plays Mom to my son) play at being the wonderful couple. Her family will ignore me. I do think my partner trying to wrangle a wedding invite from him is a waste of time and is also "bad form" but I hurt for her.She does so want to go, I guess my question is what did we do that was so terrible? Thanks for "listening" everyone. Ni

Vanessa,
How regretful that you went through that very difficult exclusion from your son's wedding. I have missed my grandson's graduation and many other important events in his life for the past three years.

I am so done with our ED. It took two years to get through the worst grief and then with the help of a great spiritual adviser and counselor I have come to realize that my daughter (who is a psychologist) is probably borderline personality disordered. My grandson is being married tomorrow (ED nephew) and our ED will not attend. Our grandson's mother (our daughter) has cancer and her sister's rejection of the wedding invitation was very hurtful. Tomorrow over 100 of our family will celebrate this wonderful union. Our thoughts will not be of our ED.