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Hi Pam,
There are a lot of reasons why your husband might be defensive even when you don’t feel like you’re attacking him:


* If there has been a history of bad feelings between the 2 of you, he may have lost his ability to read you, and assumes that you’re feeling mad or critical even when you’re not.

* He may be a very thin-skinned person and expects conflict

* You may sound more mad or critical than you realize.
What to do?

* Lead with compliments. “I think you’re a great dad, but I’m wondering if I could brainstorm some parenting stuff with you?” or “I appreciate how much you do, but can we talk about housework. I’m feeling really overwhelmed.”

* Make amends for whatever ways that you have hurt him in the past that might still be in the air. “I’ve been feeling bad about how I scolded you. Do you feel like that’s resolved”

* Ask him how you could change your communication with him to ensure a better response.

* Finally, make sure you’re giving lots of praise and appreciation for what he’s doing right.


Hope that helps.