Good morning Jeanie:
I'm only going to comment on this sad scenario because that happened to me also.
However, I am warning you not to do what I did. Hopefully you will arrive at a better decision than the one I regretfully wish I hadn't put into motion.
I have a daughter in law that did the same cruel, punitive, obvious agenda to me.
I was not allowed to feed, hold, play, spend the night with me, or truthfully bond with my granddaughter that I was graced with by my son. However, it was okay for me to buy a $250 stroller, baby bed, clothes, bottles, medicine, food, blankets, sheets, and many things that I care not to mention.
My ungrateful daughter in law has mental issues that she cares not to address. I got fed up and told her that I refuse to be a photo only, gift giving grandparent. I truly blame my son for allowing it to happen. From my experience, this painful estrangement happens often with grandchildren that you have with sons. My daughter is happy when I fly to New Jersey to "help" her. These are punitive steps on her part and don't forget that. It's a trap called, "my way or the highway." I lost. I see my son's daughter when he has her. Now she is griping about my stoppage of gifts. Sorry girlie, I do not reward bad behaviour. Our daughter in laws are disrespectful and don't forget that. My favorite mantra is " I do not negotiate respect." Please come up with a solution that is better than mine. In retrospect, she does not miss HER daughter's grandparent, she only misses the gifts. Maybe that lesson will teach her to be an appreciative woman, rather than a immature ingrate.
Our first grandchild was born last year. Our son & family live a few blocks from us. Since Thanksgiving, we have seen her once a month for a short period of time. We are not allowed to hold her. Our son and d i l prefer to hold her, comfort her, feed her, and care for her themselves-which is wonderful to an extent. We cannot hug or touch the baby. They claim to be fearful of her getting sick. However, she spends one day a week with the her parents and their three other young grandchildren, so I have a hard time believing that illness is behind this excuse. I have talked to them and said we are very hurt and feel we are not good enough or that we have angered them in some way. I am just told that they do not need our approval on how to raise their daughter so get over it. We have invited them to our house, gone to church with them, and visited their home on many occasions. We usually call or text before a visit, yet we are always told it is feeding time or nap time regardless of the time of day. My parents and my husband's parents are treated the same way. We mail her gifts such as books and toys because we are generally met on the porch and not invited into the house. When we are let in, usually, my d.i.l. takes the baby to a back room and sits in the dark, obviously avoiding my husband and I and our families. We only have a few photos of her that we took with our phones and our d.i.l was furious when a relative shared one on social media so we are not allowed to have or take photos now either. I am trying so hard to not be bitter. My husband & I and our families are Christians, though we regularly attend a different local church in town. I try to think of King Solomon's wise judgement and just be happy that our granddaughter is safe, healthy, and loved even if we cannot be part of her life. The hard part is that our son and d.i.l. are so involved with their church work and the community believes they are wonderful, loving people. They are basically giving a seminar next month and I cannot make myself attend for feeling a lump of bitterness in my throat. I hate when people in town ask how the granddaughter is doing and if we are spoiling her. I have begun answering "Well, we try to" and leave it at that.
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