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My exhusband was able to get custody of our 2 sons 12 years ago when they were just 5 and 14. He didn't want them, just didn'twant to pay child support and wanted the empathy of women who he allowed to believe that I had left him and my children for another man. I have never said a bad thing about their father to them and people who know the real story have told me for years that they will see through their dad's lies. Well my 26 year old won't speak to me, will walk right past me when he see's me without even saying hello. My youngest will speak to me but does not inform me when he has baseball/basketball games, school events etc. I have developed a network of mothers to keepme informed of important happenings at school. I finally after grieving for 12 years and being hospitalized twice for depression have decidied enough is enough. I removed all pictures and keepsakes that reminded me on a daily basis that I am not welcome in their lives. I finally wrote an 18 page letter to my oldest son trying to explain my side of all that had happened so that I would know I had tried everything possible to make things right between us. No response. It has been very freeing to finally let them go. I doubt that the pain will ever go away completely but I am now able to move forward with my life for the first time in 12 years and not live for the maybe some day they will forgive me. I am making plans for myself now for the first time that allow happiness into my life. Should either of them ever want to come back into my life, I'll cross that bridge if it happens but can no longer put my dreams and future there. I pray that all of us in this position will find a way to move on with our lives and love our selves enough to stop punishing ourselves daily for that which we have no control. Good luck

Dear Doreen,

I understand the heartache and pain of 'losing' your two children. My abusive alcoholic ex used our two children as a weapon 'to get to me' also. He was able to get our teenage son on his side for several years, but in his early 20's he no longer wanted anything to do with his father – then his father turned on him, like he turned on me. Unfortunately, he became very depressed over his father's lack of love and verbal and physical abuse. He took his own life at the age of 24.

Our daughter was sexually abused by him while in elementary school, but tried to stay neutral until around the age of 30, when he was able to turn her against me. She became verbally and emotionally abusive to me and defended him! So much so, that I had to distance myself and 'let her go' the end of 2010. I had tried everything to change the way she thought, but that doesn't work. I was extremely depressed for several months – holidays are especially bad.

I realize that my ex is behind all this, and by me being depressed and driving myself crazy trying to change her, wasn't helping me – just ruining my health and my peace and happiness. With the support of a few wonderful friends, I realized I can't change anyone but myself. I read many different articles on the internet on "how to let go" and slowly my depression lifted. I keep busy working outdoors, taking walks, keeping in touch with friends I met at a support group for abused women, and volunteering at a local hospital.

All the talking in the world won't change the way they think. Now, almost eight months later, I can say 'I am happy again'. Don't get me wrong, there are days I am down, again, thinking about her, but they don't last long – thank goodness. Hopefully, you will be able to move past this, and say you are happy again too. Life is too short to let anyone else ruin it. We can stay positive!