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I read some of the comments of other parents/children and am feeling so very almost desperate about this subject. My parents were unbelievably physically abusive. I was in therapy and had plastic surgery to fix some of the scars my mother left on my face. I tried and tried to engage in a healing process with them to no avail – they were not ready and so, when I was 50 years old I wrote a letter to them and disengaged myself permanently. They are now dead. My sister is also among the wounded and we are estranged. I believe her to be a borderline personality disorder and cannot engage in healing with her because she rejects the notion that there can be healing. My son is 41 and I had a relationship with him, indeed I raised him as a primary caretaker until he was 14. At that time we had some problems, I was in therapy and sought help from his father in the form of emotional support in working on the relationship with my son but was rebuffed. Without any support from my family and little from my ex husband, I had worked my way through school, was an RN, bought a house learned to drive a car etc. I believe my exhusband was angry at my success. Anyway at that time I was overwhelmed and frustrated that after all I had done, my son was now expressing anger towards me. I was genuinely afraid of his acting out and felt guilt that my parenting was lacking. I voluntarily gave custody (unsolicited – it was my idea) to my ex. Really, I just wanted a “break” for the summer at first but then I gave up custody. My ex said it was all or nothing. My son has been angry about this decision ever since. Our last argument was during a visit when he was a student in Boston when he was 21. I was very angry, furious, I must say during this argument. Now he will not speak to me at all. For 20 years. I do not know how to overcome this. I have repeatedly written, have traveled 800 miles from my current home to his to speak with him, have let him know through other family members that I love him, have done everything I can think of doing. I am 60 and he is 41. I gave him space thinking maybe he would see things differently with time, but he has not. I want to see my grandchildren and I do regret my failures. I am a nursing supervisor and educator, a responsible member of the world with things to give to my family and am so very depressed about this situation. Is there anything I can do at least to connect with my grandchildren? I pray there is help for this. I have never physically abused my son in any way, but I was too easily intimidated by him, then became angry that he tried to push me around in my own home, after all I had been through and pushed him away. He is afraid if my rejection again, I am sure. It was my failure to be loving and understanding, I know now. Is there anything, anything I can or should do?