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Estrangement/ stepfamily/ chore war/ marital conflict debacle!
September 23, 2013
9:18 am
chitownlady
Guest

Renee you have a lot going on in your life and it seems like it is all overwhelming for you. Don't let fear of your past (your childhood) predict your future. It is good that you relate to your parents and you have not closed them out of your life. 

Renee said
Our situation fits in so many categories I thought I start here. I have been married for 4.5 years to my husband. We both have school aged sons from previous relationships. My son lives with us he has Asperger's syndrome and is 8 years old. My husband has a degree in IT that he earned prior to our marriage. My husband has worked as a over the road truck driver during the first year of our marriage. He came home off the road to unemployment for several months about 6. He has been unemployed for about 6 months every year since. He does very minimally in the home washes dishes, picks step son up from school but he is not engaged with the family. He is estranged from his Mother and family who live one town over. He states that people irritate him, he has no friends and spends most of his time overeating and sleeping or playing some sort of electronic. I work a full time and a half including a solo private practice. I do laundry, housekeeping, homework, cooking, shopping, bills and financially everything is my responsibility except he makes his own car payment with his VA disability check (He is a disabled peacetime Marine). My son's father's participation is none financially or emotionally and keeps picks him up every other weekend to spend time with him.My husband is does not argue or fight, he just is a passive life participant and he does not want a divorce at all. He is upset that I have brought it up more than once. He does not want to see a therapist he says we can talk out our problems. I gave him an ultimatum last year and we a therapist twice he refused to continue going, he obtained a job for a few months to placate me. I began an affair with my ex this summer who lives in another state where I am from I have seen him twice and I know that relationship has no future either. I really want a divorce in my state you have to be separated for a year before divorcing, we own our home. I feel so emotionally and financially stuck, I don't know where to begin so I have just continued on as this shadow of myself that isn't even me.

My parents live in the same state as me, my Dad visits once a week and I talk to my Mom daily, they are divorced. I grew up in a home where there was a lot of serious domestic violence. I had one sibling tragically die from a AVM at 17. I have overcome a lot, I know I have a lot of self work to do regarding my self esteem and other issues. I am so concerned this relationship is a horrible example for my son and I feel so unsupported in my life. I feel like I am doing everything alone. I keep a really healthy distance from my parents because I don't want to be enmeshed in their on off relationship like I was during my childhood so I cannot turn to them for support either. Sometimes I tell myself maybe it is not as bad as I think but I feel so unhappy and have been for the past 2 years.

 

December 12, 2012
8:11 am
Renee
Guest

Our situation fits in so many categories I thought I start here. I have been married for 4.5 years to my husband. We both have school aged sons from previous relationships. My son lives with us he has Asperger's syndrome and is 8 years old. My husband has a degree in IT that he earned prior to our marriage. My husband has worked as a over the road truck driver during the first year of our marriage. He came home off the road to unemployment for several months about 6. He has been unemployed for about 6 months every year since. He does very minimally in the home washes dishes, picks step son up from school but he is not engaged with the family. He is estranged from his Mother and family who live one town over. He states that people irritate him, he has no friends and spends most of his time overeating and sleeping or playing some sort of electronic. I work a full time and a half including a solo private practice. I do laundry, housekeeping, homework, cooking, shopping, bills and financially everything is my responsibility except he makes his own car payment with his VA disability check (He is a disabled peacetime Marine). My son's father's participation is none financially or emotionally and keeps picks him up every other weekend to spend time with him.My husband is does not argue or fight, he just is a passive life participant and he does not want a divorce at all. He is upset that I have brought it up more than once. He does not want to see a therapist he says we can talk out our problems. I gave him an ultimatum last year and we a therapist twice he refused to continue going, he obtained a job for a few months to placate me. I began an affair with my ex this summer who lives in another state where I am from I have seen him twice and I know that relationship has no future either. I really want a divorce in my state you have to be separated for a year before divorcing, we own our home. I feel so emotionally and financially stuck, I don't know where to begin so I have just continued on as this shadow of myself that isn't even me.

My parents live in the same state as me, my Dad visits once a week and I talk to my Mom daily, they are divorced. I grew up in a home where there was a lot of serious domestic violence. I had one sibling tragically die from a AVM at 17. I have overcome a lot, I know I have a lot of self work to do regarding my self esteem and other issues. I am so concerned this relationship is a horrible example for my son and I feel so unsupported in my life. I feel like I am doing everything alone. I keep a really healthy distance from my parents because I don't want to be enmeshed in their on off relationship like I was during my childhood so I cannot turn to them for support either. Sometimes I tell myself maybe it is not as bad as I think but I feel so unhappy and have been for the past 2 years.

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