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KD: Good for you. I wish my daughter had the insight you do. She's 32 and is still being manipulated by her abusive alcoholic father – whatever he says, she agrees with. I have been kicked to the way side. Hopefully, she'll wake up some day.

You don't go into alot of detail, but my question to you: Is there a history of addiction in your family? If so, it would explain the dysfunctional behavior of your parents, and I highly recommend you attend AlAnon for support.

Mike,

I read your post and feel your frustration and hurt. I commend you for being strong, distancing yourself, and no longer accepting abuse from your dysfunctional parents. Unfortunately, it sounds like your siblings are still 'playing the game' by enabling your parents to continue their unacceptable behavior of manipulation, control, guilt, abuse, secrecy, etc. You are the 'healthy' one by finding inner strength and emotional independence.

I also read 'Toxic Parents – Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life', and suggested it to my adult daughter. She refuses to read it or seek help, and continues to side with her abusive alcoholic father. Several other books were helpful to me: 'The Language of Letting Go', 'Codependent No More' and 'Beyond Codependency'.

Hopefully, some day, your siblings will realize they need to 'let go' and live their life free of the grip of their parent's problems, since their parents are not willing to change.
It's hard, but continue staying strong and live your life free of their negative influence. Good luck…

Mike said:

As I read these forums, I actually feel for these parents if they are truly being honest about their parenting. I grew up in a total dysfunctional family with a narrcicisic mother and a father that enabled the abuse..these two so called parents ruined so many people's lives and I refuse to talk to them. My siblings seem to talk to them, but they all call my mother a bitch behind her back…they seem to enable the abuse also…my parents have never aplolizges, in fact, they blame everyone else for their problems..I do nt think I will ever tak to them again…I am sometime forced to see them at certain family functions…if you are estranged from your parents and it's their fault..I would like to hear about it..I am not to blame..I was the child that was grossly emotionally abused..if you were abused I recommend a good book called toxic parents..you should read it

As I read these forums, I actually feel for these parents if they are truly being honest about their parenting. I grew up in a total dysfunctional family with a narrcicisic mother and a father that enabled the abuse..these two so called parents ruined so many people's lives and I refuse to talk to them. My siblings seem to talk to them, but they all call my mother a bitch behind her back…they seem to enable the abuse also…my parents have never aplolizges, in fact, they blame everyone else for their problems..I do nt think I will ever tak to them again…I am sometime forced to see them at certain family functions…if you are estranged from your parents and it's their fault..I would like to hear about it..I am not to blame..I was the child that was grossly emotionally abused..if you were abused I recommend a good book called toxic parents..you should read it