Dr. Coleman will be speaking to host Irene Bakchanyan on attitudes toward infidelity in the U.S. on Monday May 17.

Dr. Coleman will be presenting a workshop on the ways that emotions can interfere with sound judgment in the market. The talk will review some of the findings from the exciting new field of Neuroeconomics. For more information, please contact
Leonidas Maheras, CFP®, CIMA®, CRPC®
Principal, Branch Manager
155 Bovet Road, Suite 455
San Mateo, CA 94402
Tel: 650-525-0600
Fax:650-525-0610
Toll Free: 888-525-0602
lmaheras@mwm09.com
www.mwm09.com

Here are a few recommendations when you start to get upset:

* Breathe slowly and deeply.

* Pay attention to your self-talk. Don’t catastrophize or generalize. Assume that your spouse or partner has their own valid reasons for their feelings or behaviors, however inexpertly expressed.

* Use a soothing tone when you talk to yourself, much as you would when trying to calm a distressed child.

* Take a time-out so you can collect your thoughts and give your physiology time to settle. Studies show that once your heart rate goes even 10 beats per minute faster than usual your ability to think begins to decrease.

If you have a very difficult time regulating your emotions in relationships, find a therapist and work on it. Expecting a partner to always be able to soothe you can unfairly burden your relationship.

We have known for a long time that there is an ongoing interaction between parenting and the genetics of the child (and, the parent’s genes, since their genes will affect their parenting behavior). Recent models argued that the genes that produced vulnerabilty to aggressive acting out, anti-social behavior, depression, or anxiety could be turned off by good parenting. Or, stated differently, that those genes were more likely to be turned on in the face of abuse or neglect. The new research shows, however, that the same genes that can produce problematic behavior, can, in a nurturing setting, not only cause these children to do as well as the dandelions, but to do even better. You read it right. The same children who are the most genetically at risk for behavioral problems, with nurturing parents, do better as adults than their easier-to-raise siblings.

The challenge for parents of difficult children is that it’s harder to be nurturing to a difficult child than an easy child. Most parents of difficult children feel like no matter what they do, it’s wrong. However, being a nurturing parent doesn’t mean being a perfect parent. Here are some recommendations.

TIPS FOR PARENTING THE DIFFICULT CHILD

* Talk to other parents with difficult children. Nothing is more discouraging to a parent with a difficult child than to only spend time with parents who have easy kids.

* Spend 15-20 minutes a day doing something that is pleasurable to your child. Difficult children sometimes make it harder to be close to them because of their defiance, aggression, or moodiness. However, spending quality time doing something of their choosing is not only good for calming them down, it also gets you out of the role as disciplinarian. And children benefit from the quality time even if they’re still difficult during that time.

* Try to emphasize rewards over punishment. Difficult kids constantly test our patience and can draw a lot more punishment from us. My favorite book on this topic is by Yale psychologist Alan Kazdin titled The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child.  Even if your child isn’t difficult, there is plenty of great parenting advice.

Click here to read more about genetics, parenting, and children.

Shifting Roles During the Economic Downturn

Many parents worry about whether they’re hurting their kids by fighting in front of them. Join Dr. Coleman on View from the Bay as he discusses the Do’s and Don’ts!

What do you tell your kids when they find out that one of their parents has had an affair? How does the discover of an affair affect a child? Can families ever recover?

Listen to the recording of Dr. Coleman and psychotherapist Susan Berger, MFT on Childhood Matters Radio with host Rona Renner KISS 98.1FM San Francisco

If your marriage or relationship is struggling with the aftermath of an affair, read Dr. Coleman’s article in Greater Good Magazine. Many relationships can be saved after an affair, but it requires that both people work hard to heal the relationship. This article shows you the steps you need to take in order to do that. It also discusses when to consider giving up.  Greater Good Magazine is part of the Greater Good Science Center, at the University of California, Berkeley.