Dear Dr. Coleman,
Our 21 yr old just announced she is getting married in 5 months (not pregnant) to her 2 yr companion and addict boyfriend. We dislike him and his family-there is nothing positive to say about him. We have always had a good relationship with her (so I thought) until this guy came into the picture. Should we participate in the wedding? Should we try to pay for it? (we’ve been unemployed for 3 years now & husband is on disability). Should we ‘bless’ this union even though I get sick thinking about it? I’d rather her continue to live with him than marry him – he is so low & has threatened us. She totally supports his actions – not ours. Her perception has always been “off” and with her multiple disabilities, she will never see clearly. We’ve been accused of being controlling, but we have her best interests in our hearts & she needs protecting b/c of her learning disabilities. Please help!
It is very tough on parents when they a) don’t like their future daughter- or son-in-law and b) believe that their child is making a very serious mistake in marrying that person. From my perspective, it’s rarely productive to come out and say, “I don’t like your fiancé.”
Join Dr. Coleman for an hour-long interview with Diane Rehm about parental estrangement. Why it seems to be on the rise, what parents can do about it, and what are some common causes.
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Tagged anxiety, conflict resolution, depressed mothers, difficult daughter-in-law, divorce, divorced father, divorced fathers, divorced mother, divorced mothers, estrangement, family, hurt parent, parental abuse, parental estrangement. rejected parent, PAS, sad parent, wounded parent
If your marriage or relationship is struggling with the aftermath of an affair, read Dr. Coleman’s article in Greater Good Magazine. Many relationships can be saved after an affair, but it requires that both people work hard to heal the relationship. This article shows you the steps you need to take in order to do that. It also discusses when to consider giving up. Greater Good Magazine is part of the Greater Good Science Center, at the University of California, Berkeley.
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Tagged affair, affairs, anger at betrayal, dealing with an affair, dealing with betrayal, emotional affairs, extramarital affairs, healiing after an affair, healing after betrayal, infiidelity, one-night stands, rejection, sexual affairs, the other man, the other woman
Get advice and support from others who are struggling with adolescent or adult children who won’t talk to them or who are always critical and rejecting; parents whose partners or ex-spouses interfere with their being good parents; learning to forgive yourself for parenting mistakes; adolescent or adult children who aren’t in line to create a successful life.
A place for people who are considering divorce or for those who want to learn how to solve the conflicts in their marriage. Discuss how to recover from an affair, when should you divorce, when are children affected by divorce; how are children affected by troubled marriages, and other issues.
Talk to other parents who are trying to keep their marriages healthy while living in this very challenging environment.
Discuss conflicts around housework, money, chores, and differences around parenting. How to get help and support from your spouse; the right and wrong way to communicate; what’s a fair division of labor; how to solve parenting differences, etc.