I would like to be the one contrarian to the comments above and say simply this:

Sometimes parents are toxic. Sometimes they have personality disorders or emotional dysregulation that makes them impossible to have a relationship with. And for the adult child this is incredibly sad and painful. Who wants to cut off a relationship with their parent unless absolutely necessary for their own emotional survival? No one.

And yet—-many parents of adult children will not look at themselves and question what THEY may have contributed to the soured relationship. Because they can’t. Mental illness is a powerful thing.

Just another point of view.

Stella

I/We have no issues re: lifestyle choice, educational choice, or marriage partners..I think they all have chosen wisely from what we have seen of our son in laws…having only met two of them once or twice.

The last time we were all together I felt I had walked into a Grade 9 school room of all girls and was being bullied. The dirty looks, the dismissive comments, the walking away as I spoke in mid sentence…it was horrible.

I keep sending Chrismtas presents and birthday cards…emails to keep them in the loop.but no answer..no acknowledgement..

Any advice from anyone I would like to talk to one of these children who have come back to their parents life..I want to know what is going on in their heads when they are blocking their parents out of their lives. Maybe if I had some insight to that then maybe I might know what to do next. Life is short and they will feel really badly not getting over this issue if something happens to any of us.

Penny

I was the grandparent who wrote in 2006 with regards to learning we were grandparents from a local paper and was part of your interview on the Today show. I am happy to say we have reconnected with our son and his family and we recently welcomed our third granddaughter.

We feel bless this holiday season to be part of their lives. However, it doesn’t make me forget how grateful I am for your help during some difficult times and your work educating communities about this difficult family issue when adult children become estranged from their families.

Thank you for all your work and publish books which helps so many parents.

Thank you, thank you for your work!

My 2 sons were ailenated from me by my ex-husband after one of “those” types of divorce. My ex threatened revenge — and he got it. He took the most valuable thing in my life: the loving relationship I had with my sons. But I am writing to give others HOPE. Hope is not frail — so don’t give up and don’t stop reaching out! Keep your heart open and forgive — it is not their fault. Educate yourself on parental alienation thru professionals like Dr. Coleman, attend events and talks. You may feel like it, but you will learn you are not alone.

My older son stopped talking and seeing me at age 16. I was devastated. I emailed Amy Baker for advise — she was the only one I could find at the time who wrote and spoke about parental alienation — exactly what was happening to me. She advised me to continue reaching out even if there was no response. So I did. Many, many emails I never knew were read, many cards sent not knowing were received and birthday and Christmas presents delivered by a neighbor to my son — never knowing were ever opened. No connection with my family or my parents with whom they were previously close. Neither son attending my father’s funeral with whom I was very close.

When my older son turned 21 he responded to one of my emails. We met for coffee, then lunch, then dinner — and then I traveled to Japan where he was going to school and we continue to this day rebuilding a relationship torn apart. My son told me he could not live his life without me being a part of it. Can you imagine how I felt? I cried but this time the tears were simply relief. All the seemingly empty prayers and the HOPE is now being realized. I am thankful every day.

Unfortunately, my younger son took the same path exactly at age 16. He turns 18 September 10, 2011 and I do not stop sending emails. — “I hope you are doing well. How is school? I love you, I miss you. Let me know if you want to meet for coffee. Here is a picture of — Love, mom.” — Only this time his older brother insists he deliver my cards to his younger brother instead of me mailing them & presents I would have otherwise sent with a neighbor.

I continue to pray and continue to hope. I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!

Carolyn